El-Town

Dear Teenage Girl,

2011-12-05T23:02:00.000-08:00

Dear Teenage Girl,

I wish you understood how much I care for you.

I have cried tears over you, sent you flowers anonymously, bought you lunch, taken you out for coffee, invited you into my home, curled your hair for prom, spent every Wednesday night with you, baked you cookies, picked you up for youth group, led Bible studies, taught you how to crochet, made breakfast for you, did dishes for you, gave up a week of my time to be your camp counselor and countless weekends to be in your cabin at retreats, cheered for you at soccer games and watched football games just so I could see you cheer.

And, I have prayed for you.

Prayed that you'd get a date to a dance.
Prayed for courage to have that hard conversation with your dad.
Prayed that your non-Christian friend would accept your invitation to youth group.
Prayed for strength to confront your friend's bad choices.
Prayed that you'd be freed from shame from what you did last summer.
Prayed that you'd be pure.
Prayed that you'd find enjoyment in reading your Bible.
Prayed that your broken heart would be mended.
Prayed that you'd find contentment in your singleness.
Prayed that Jesus Christ would be your first love.

To be honest, I don't even really like going to high school football games because I don't know any of the players. Not to mention, I hate being cold. I definitely don't like washing dishes, and I'm usually starving by the time you finish eating breakfast because I'm so busy cooking that I don't eat until you leave. When I'm your camp counselor, I miss kissing Paul goodnight before my head hits the pillow, like I've done almost every night since we got married. I stress over leading Bible studies because I don't consider myself a teacher and I'm never really sure what you need to hear. You are one of the main reasons I gave up looking for full time work because I wanted to be available to you.

I do these things because I care about you.
I'm honored when you let me into your life and you trust my ears with your words. Thank you for letting me speak into your life. I love being part of your "ah- ha" moments.

When you are hesitant to tell me something, it hurts. I can't help but think it's because you don't think I'll approve. And honestly, based on what you've told me leading up to it, I may not. But I still want to know because what is important to you is important to me. (And no one likes to find out via Facebook.)

I want to celebrate with you.

But more than that,
I want God's best for you.
And even more than that, I want you to want God's best for you.

It devastates me to see you make bad decisions.
To settle in relationships.
To lower your standards.
To say one thing and do the opposite.
To hide something from me.

I'm trying not to take offense when you don't take my advice or blatantly ignore Truth. Because, as my wise husband reminds me, it's not really about me at all. It boils down to trusting God or not.

I've told you a million times that what God has for you is so much better than anything you could come up with on your own. But just because I tell you that doesn't mean you believe it for yourself. Or that you'll wait for it.

But it's worth it. Oh, it's so worth it.

Oh, how I long for you to trust God.
To make Him Lord over your love life.
To run toward Jesus with everything you've got and never give up.

I'll keep praying, but the moving is up to you.

A basket full of thanks

2011-11-08T20:48:00.000-08:00

As a child, November was always kicked off by cutting out shapes from colored construction paper. Mom assumed her role as pattern maker - tracing cookie cutters or free-handing palm trees, stars, hearts, leaves, etc. Every night after dinner, we'd pass the basket around, take out our preferred shape, and write down our thanks. By the time Thanksgiving rolled around, our basket was full of thanks. And, before we slipped into our Tryptophan turkey comas, we took turns reading each other's shapes. Dad always wrote one about his beautiful wife (insert collective groans and "ahhhhs" from three young kids), sister and I usually wrote a silly one about brother, and our favorite foods always made the list. Mashed potatoes, anyone? Some were duplicates and some stood alone.

As I have grown older, my appreciation for things has deepened beyond that which is smothered in gravy. Living among the "have-nots" in Africa, Asia, South America & even North America has often left me feeling angry, guilty, helpless and sad. Even with my own discouraging, looming home loan, college debt and part-time job, I am considered one of the elite who "has." However, if blessings are gifts bestowed by God which produce happiness, then despite my financial situation, I still have much to be thankful for.

As an adult, I still reflect on this season of Thanks with an eagerness that stems from a long-ago family tradition. Several months ago, my mom gave me a book. A book with a "dare to live fully wherever you are." Ann Voskamp keeps an ongoing list of everyday gifts. While Ann's initial goal was to make it to 1,000 she didn't stop there and hasn't stopped since.

My sweet mom emailed me at the first of the month, encouraging us kids to reflect on the gifts from the hands of our Loving God.

Hello my Dear Ones, (<---I love her terms of endearment)

I was just contemplating the season: the leaves are all turning and the wind blowing them around, and temperatures at night causing the heat to blow warm on our feet in the mornings. It's fall!

And as the calendar page turns over to November next week and we look ahead to Parker's birthday and Thanksgiving and then Christmas, I was remembering how we tried to savor this special time of year. Do you remember us cutting out "shapes" from colored paper and each of us writing out things we were thankful for each evening? And then come Thanksgiving, we would read from our collection and treasure the variety of thoughts we'd all put down. I've save a few from over the years (you know how I hate to throw things away) and they are special memories.

I am so thankful for each of you and all that God has given your dad and me as your parents. We are truly blessed!

May I challenge you (as I do myself) to be thankful every day for what you have from the Hand of God? We have so much yet can easily take the everyday things for granted. I don't know that I will cut out "shapes" to record my thanks, but I will start a list. Join me?

Much love,

Mom

Thanks for the challenge, mom.

Here begins my gift list. Not for santa, but for my yearning to glorify God. May this process replace the bitter weeds in my heart with life-giving, bountiful produce that spills over to every avenue of my daily life.

emails from my mother
our new, patch-free roof which has eliminated further worry of ceiling leaks, dry rot, etc.
blue blanket we received from our wedding; it has probably been used 365 days a year for the past 2+ years
the ability to receive a 100k Christian education
4-year old Maggie who teaches me to be thankful for life's simplest things
a God who loves me (in the words of 4-year old Maggie)
free haircuts from the best hairdresser in town "because it's the only way she can repay me and Paul for investing in her kids' lives at youth group"
a God who is bigger than my mistakes
a "best friend" relationship with my sister who is much too far away
babies growing in my friends' bellies (6 and counting...)
butterflies in my belly as I dream of being a mom someday
butterflies in my belly as I dream of Paul being a dad someday
my father's phone calls on his way home from work
high school girls who share life's hardships with me
a voice to sing harmonies
the fiery reds, oranges & yellows of autumn leaves on sunny days
the fiery reds, oranges & yellows of autumn leaves against a gray, stormy sky
leftovers (something I've never appreciated this much ever before)
when all socks exit the dryer with their corresponding mates
all 100 pounds and bad breath of our dog who warms my feet from the drafty laundry room

90 Days

2011-10-26T13:50:00.000-07:00

Paul and I are reading through the Bible in 90 days as part of a whole church challenge. Since September 19th, we've read Genesis - Esther. I'm half-excited and half-not to read Job next.

I'm excited because it's a familiar story. I'm not excited because it's a story of pain and despair.

Reading the Bible like this is revolutionizing my devotion life. I went from reading almost nothing to reading for almost an hour at a time and completing 12-16 chapters a day.

I'm noticing a change in my worship; I'm able to appreciate God so much more. I'm putting more into it. Sunday morning songs mean something more to me in this season, than ever before.

More to come, with some questions that have come up along the way.

I have to finish Job tonight to catch up with the reading plan... (The middle school retreat put me a couple days behind.)

Time to knock out 40 chapters!

MAICCD... now that's a mouthful

2011-09-26T16:41:00.000-07:00

The mail I received this afternoon makes my heart leap. I recently requested information about a graduate program in the Seattle area.

"Dear Elizabeth,

It was great to hear of your interest in the Master of Arts in International Care and Community Development (MAICCD) program...."

Northwest University in Kirkland offers a Master's Degree in International Care and Community Development, which is committed to social justice for the poor, powerless and oppressed. Fuller Seminary (Pasadena, CA) offers a similar program.

Can I/we even afford a program like this?

Is this the right time?

What do I do with this degree once I've got it?

Could I balance school, work and family?

Would I even want to drive to Seattle weekly?

Yes...No...Maybe so.

I don't know.

But this girl can't help but dream about that which makes her heart sing, eyes water, and stomach flutter.

I've become a Mac girl

2011-09-26T16:27:00.000-07:00

This is the first post from my brand spankin' new MacBook Pro.
I can finally access my email, Facebook, etc. again, and use this wherever I want to, without being attached to an electrical outlet.

I've entered the Mac world.... and I won't go back.

Now, to update my pink razor phone...

Confessions of a Youth Pastor's Wife

2011-09-13T10:58:00.000-07:00

Sometimes, I'm fine.
Other times, it hurts.

It feels as though there is a stigma associated with being in ministry. "I'm a youth pastor's wife, and therefore our life is so full I couldn't possibly have time for anything else."

From the checkout aisle at Fred Meyer: "Paul... now he's a busy man." And a number of other comments wrapped up in this one: "Gosh, we've hardly seen you, you guys are so busy."

Yes, there are moments of insanity when we we crash on the couch after a long day/evening/week/weekend and are thankful for nothing to do because home feels.so.good. Our summer was full. Admittedly, we were gone a lot.

June 5: We opened a coffee shop at cafe that I've been managing
June 16-18: Trip to Grants Pass for my dad's 60th surprise party
June 27-July 1: Vacation Bible School
June 27-July 5: Fireworks booths (two stands)
July 6-July 10: Wedding in Santa Barbara
July 17-23: Mayfield Lake Youth Camp
July 28-30: Our escape to Ilwaco
August 1-5: Kids' Camp
August 6: Wedding
August 8: Youth Group trip to Wild Waves
August 10: Youth Group Bonfire
August 13: Wedding
August 18: Youth Group homeless outreach in Portland with Night Strike
August 20: Wedding
August 24: Senior Girls/Freshmen Girls bonfire
August 26-28: Family Camp
September 2-5: Labor Day camping trip with our college group

Summer happened! ...and you know what? We live to tell about it! And the truth is, I had time in between all those things... to BE, to meet up with college girlfriends in Vancouver (you know who you are), to meet halfway to be with family, etc. I also had lonely moments - sounds rather strange after reviewing our calendar. There were honestly times where I wished a friend would call and invite me to do something outside of anything church-related. Times where I wished I had girlfriends here who really know me. To whisk me away...

The week of the fireworks booth, I spent a lot of time to myself. Paul was working a lot, and I think the assumption was that I was working, too. In reality, I walked to the lake twice by myself just to get out of the house because I had nothing to do. Sometimes, on an evening when Paul is gone, my first thought is to call a high school girl, since they are the ones inviting me to hang out - wanting to go out for coffee and want to come over for breakfast in the morning.

I spend my days with a 4 year old, Sunday evenings with college students, Wednesday nights with high school students, etc. I love them. And what I really crave are friends my own age, and my attempts at getting together have often failed.

I, too, am also guilty of wrongfully assuming things about people's time and have recently been convicted about just that. I often assume that when my friends have children, they can't do things spontaneously, or come over for dinner for fear of interrupting the night-time routine.

This entry isn't meant to guilt-trip anyone.

It's simply the confession of a Youth Pastor's wife doing her best to create a social life while balancing married life, youth group, college group, church, cooking and work.

And someday, children. :)

Mayfield Lake Youth Camp 2011

2011-09-12T14:45:00.000-07:00

The third week in July continues to be one of the greatest weeks of the summer. This year especially, I found myself anticipating BIG ways in which God was going to move at camp. I kept telling my small group girls "I feel like God is going to do some great things with us at camp." And so, with my camp clothes packed, cabin decorations, camera and ready heart, I settled into a powerful week as a counselor for Junior girls.

About 250 kids attended (middle school through high school) and there were 3 cabins of Junior girls, which are the ladies I get to spend Wednesday nights with at youth group. 5 kids even came up from my home church in Merlin, OR. (Just another way in which God affirmed our Spring Break mission trip relocation to southern Oregon.) Two of the Merlin girls got to be in my cabin, one of whom hosted two of our students during our home stay down south.

I knew about a particular strained relationship between 3 of my girls, and had a tearful conversation with one of them about how it was time to make things right. With "I'm sorry's" exchanged, God answered our prayer with a worship night that turned into a night of reconciliation for not only those 3, but for another girl as well, who described her moment of forgiveness as a burden lifted. A smile lit up her face as she struggled to find words to describe her moment of peace and joy. A smile that represented deep healing from bitterness, hurt and anger.

One of the girls from Merlin was particularly difficult to connect with in my cabin - she pretended to be asleep during our cabin discussions and didn't open up at all. Finally, during our one on one, we had a breakthrough. She related a lot to our camp speaker's story (Mike Miller). As one of 18 kids from a mom who has been with a multitude of different men, she called herself a bastard child - born out of wedlock into a dysfunctional home. She'd been recently kicked out and was living with her ex-boyfriend/almost fiance (which meant sharing a bed) because she had nowhere else to go. Grasping for words of comfort and failing miserably, all I could do was agree with how sucky things were for her at "home" and encouraged her to share her story with Mike. Hesitantly, she agreed.

That night, after the message, I introduced her to Mike. She didn't feel like sharing, so, with her permission, I gave him a snapshot of her background. I told him how our mission trip was re-directed to Grants Pass, how we had stayed with her friend who was also in my cabin, made connections with her youth pastor, and how awesome it was that she ended up in my cabin after all of that. I'm still playing the conversation out in my mind.

Mike looked at her and said:
"Do you know why God would change a mission trip for 30 people so you could be here at camp this week?"
"Why?" she asked
"Because you're worth it."

She rolled her eyes and sighed.
Mike asked her to look at him, and repeated "You're worth it..

Pause.
Gasp.
"Oh honey, you've never heard that before, have you?"

She began to sob, and he said " Listen, if an old, fat guy can tell you that he loves you after he just met you, how much more does your Heavenly Father love you because he sent his son to die for you?!"

Shaking with tears, we embraced. He challenged her to look forward and to choose who she wants to be. Her past doesn't define her- she has decisions to make about who she wants to become.

We walked back into the chapel and continued our worship set, and I was broken inside. I fell into Paul's arms after the service and sobbed about her bleak situation. Thinking about how impossible it seemed to "just look forward" when all she had ahead of her was yucky.

After spending a year-ish of job-searching and feeling restless in my current situation, God even moved in me. He sprinkled water on my dry heart, bringing life to a place I felt was barren. Missing friends, longing for a career job, desiring to know people outside of church, etc. And here, among a group of young ladies 10 years younger than I, I found such peace in my current situation and felt God affirm: "I have you here for this." Sure enough, that same night, 2 other young ladies sought me out to talk.

When the Merlin crowd returned home and attended the church service the next day, the one whom had the "breakthrough" introduced herself to my parents, saying how much she enjoyed being in my cabin. My mom, knowing nothing about her story yet, said "welcome to the family!" and gave her a hug. Only later, when I told her what happened at camp, did we recognize the power of her words. Not to mention, this young lady spent the next week helping my dad with games at VBS.

Why?
Because she's worth it.

Photos from camp:

My team: "Calvary Crusaders"

My childhood best friend, Hallie, got to be our camp nurse!

The infamous game of "antiquing" - with cans of shaving cream and bags full of flour. The point?

Get as messy as possible!

Belly-flop competitions, etc.

Baptisms in the lake after "antiquing"

...and then a weekend away to recover from it all. A free trip to Ilwaco/Long Beach at a bed and breakfast, and a moped ride around town.

Haystack rock in the distance - the view from Crescent Beach

Catching Up: May

2011-08-13T16:04:00.000-07:00

Highlights from May:

Hosting/decorating a table at the annual women's tea. I made flowers by hand out of tissue paper and fabric (except for the baby's breath - now that would really be something!)

My "Momma B" was my guest of honor at my table.

I made Angry Bird cupcakes for Paul's birthday! They turned out amazingly and he loved them. I also bought him some river sandals, a zip up hoodie sweatshirt, and framed a bunch of photos for his office of youth group events.

Each one had it's own expression!

I'm still finding much enjoyment by doing an occasional updo - one of the perks of working with high school girls is doing their hair! Just one of the many ways in which I love to create.

My 27th birthday (May 25) was probably one of the busiest birthdays I've ever had. I spoke and sang at a women's brunch that morning, nannied a 2 year old all day, and then attended a fancy dinner for our graduating seniors at youth group. It's become a tradition and Paul has done a wonderful job of creating a special event for seniors and their families. 30 highly involved graduates attended, along with their families, making it a celebratory evening with about 100 people. This is the only picture I have on my birthday, and while the day itself was a success, I hope never to have a birthday as busy as this one... ever again!

Paul and I didn't get home until close to 11pm, had to finish packing for our road trip, went to bed at 2, and took a nap so we could wake up and start driving at 4am. 800 miles later...

We arrived at Yosemite National Park! We met up with Paul's good friend and groomsman, Mike, and his wife, Jen who live in San Luis Obispo. It was an adventure from the beginning... even before we pulled into the park, we started smelling gasoline. Sure enough, the camp stove fuel in Paul's bag had leaked, saturating his sleeping bag... so we aired it out the window the rest of the way!

We arrived, Mike and Jen were still struggling to put up their tent because their tent pole broke...

And then, after hiking 7 miles UP, we encountered SNOW! We found a perfect place to camp on a bluff (snow free) and built a fire to warm up and dry out. Unfortunately, Mike's hiking shoes were a little close to the fire and they melted. They melted so badly that he was unable to wear them for the rest of the trip. We decided to hike back down because we wouldn't let Mike hike through snow in sandals. Here we are at our campsite, post the shoe-burning episode:

On our way down, it started to rain pretty heavily as we were finishing up our lunch. Mike kept saying it wouldn't keep raining, which became our joke the rest of the trip, because it actually did keep raining and didn't let up much! I felt like an oompa-loompa with my poncho on. Just another reason why it's clear that backpacking is not for the fashion-conscious.

Due to record snow-fall at Yosemite this winter, the waterfalls were absolutely SPECTACULAR! It was a rush to stand so close to them and we were drenched by the overspray.

My favorite group shot of the whole trip:

When we got to our base camp (day 2), it began raining so hard that we decided to sleep in our cars that evening. We had recently purchased a used tent from an REI return sale and didn't want to risk getting drenched. So, after a horrible night's sleep, we woke up to 30-something degrees and a considerable amount of snow right where we had camped the night before! Check out the snow line:

So we drove into the valley for some day hikes and marveled at more awe-inspiring waterfalls. Look how small the cars are compared to the waterfall:

We climbed to the top of this thing!

During which, I dropped my camera in the mud so my lens doesn't close anymore. (hence the frowny face)

But then I was happy to be at the top - and my camera still worked!

Looking over the edge:

I had to capture my lovely camping/hat hair. Reminds me of Walkabout!

The handsome hubs overlooking the falls in the distance.

On our way home, we stayed at a Bed & Breakfast in Ashland, OR, and visited the House of Mystery, Oregon Vortex to observe the "strange magnetic forcefield."

Here, Paul appears to be much taller than I am...

But when we switched places, I appeared to have grown....

And here is the only bear I saw after camping/backpacking... at a gift shop in Grants Pass.

Next up: highlights from June and July!

Thirteen Point One

2011-04-13T15:02:00.000-07:00

It took a few days to sink in, but yesterday it hit me: I ran a freaking half marathon!

Paul and I spent almost 6 days in St. Louis with Chrislyn and I'm so happy to say it really felt like vacation, even running 13.1 miles.

The mid-west weather made me feel like I was in the tropics.

Shorts and tank tops - NO jackets!

Birds chirping. Tulips in full bloom. Tan lines. Sunglasses. Windows down. Evening rainstorms.

We even used the AC one night because the apartment never cooled down.

We arrived in St Louis on Thursday and went for a 3 mile jog on Friday. My lungs hated the heat and mugginess and I was really nervous for the half because of how I felt after running 3. My asthma hasn't kicked in since high school and was making a reappearance.

Thankfully, the humidity had lowered by race day, even though it was even warmer. We hung around outside at 6:30am waiting for the race to begin (spending most of the time in line for the porta-potty - didn't want any accidents during our run) and it must have already been 70 degrees. It was 80 degrees by 10am, hence the pounding head and dry throat around mile 7.

The most I had ever run prior to Sunday was 9.3 miles, so approaching mile markers 10, 11, 12 and 13 were each monumental. I also ran past several people who were receiving medical attention - ivs and oxygen. No bueno! I took advantage of each water station and starting drinking 2 cups during each stop. I was going to finish this thing!

Paul, Chrislyn and I ran together for the first 6 miles and we maintained a 10-minute mile, which was my goal pace. I dropped a few steps behind, and then Paul was nowhere in sight. He finished the run about 15 minutes ahead of me, maintaining his goal pace - way go go, babe!

Chrislyn pulled ahead of me at mile 11 and I came in 3 minutes behind her, still finishing within the top 50% of the runners in my age group at 2 hours, twenty-something minutes (at almost exactly 50%). Slower than I had hoped, but considering the heat and humidity, and some lengthy uphill portions, I'm ok with that.

There were a few points during the run that I remember thinking "this is the hardest thing I've ever done." Looking back, I could do it again. I'd love to improve my time.

Running alongside 15,000 people was an awesome feeling, as was running past thousands of spectators. The signs were awesome:

"Good job! You're ahead of everyone behind you!"

"Chuck Norris never ran a marathon."

"Runners have balls - other athletes just play with them."

"Hurry! I'm in labor!"

And a pick-me-up at mile 10:

"If it was easy, everyone would be doing this!" So true.

My bottom half has never hurt so much in my life. My hips, knees and ankles. And then day two, add sore calves and lower back. My knees are still making a gross 'crinkly' sound which is new, so I'm not really sure what to think about that.

I really surprised myself with how I kept up with it - I put in 200 miles on my running shoes in preparation for the big day, starting from ZERO in November. I can remember the first time I ran 4 miles back in December, which was hugely monumental for me. I had conquered the lake which had been taunting me each time I drove past. And now I've conquered a half-marathon and I feel GREAT! I'm emotional just thinking about it. It was running that gave me a goal, something that kept me going during a season of dryness and discouragement. At times, it was the only thing that got me out of the house when I was feeling sorry for myself.

So, am I addicted to running? I don't know that I'd say that, but I have grown to appreciate the sport and the discipline of training. I am thankful God has given me a healthy body, and I'd love to stay fit. For now, I'll take it easy and rest my joints.

Maybe I'll actually run for fun when it's sunny...wait a minute, is this really me talking?!

Cocooning or Connecting?

2011-02-10T14:19:00.000-08:00

Dare I say the sparkle in my eye and the skip in my step is back? I have vision again and my heart is busting with passion.

I came home from last week's Bible Study with a renewed sense of purpose for right now. Not for some day, for what could be, or for some other place. For Elizabeth Caitlin Bricknell in Longview, Washington, for the year 2011.

I was challenged Monday night about how many of my neighbors I know by name, how many are in their household, what they do for a living, and the last time I had a 20 minute conversation with any of them in my own home. I failed. Miserably. This is the best I could do for my block:

the renters that live across the street with a high school daughter who walks to school every day
"Big Red" - the monstrous vehicle parked in front of the above-mentioned house which is only there during the day, but rarely at night.
"11:45" the neighbor who revs his engine each night at 11:45pm to go to work. Sometimes the truck doesn't start on the first try and I'm convinced the whole neighborhood is woken up.
N - our neighbor-lady in her mid 60s who shares our love for gardening
? - the elderly lady who apparently lives next door but I have never actually seen her
I + L - the most generous couple on our block who always volunteer their tools or services for anything we might need. They love Jesus.
T + C - another great couple that lives a few houses down. He's on disability due to a knee injury and has been out of work for about a year. They are involved with Young Life and also love Jesus.
R + S - they live on the corner and have two little girls. One is 3 and the other was just born in August. They have expressed an interest in making friends with people who will be better influences. They've been associated with the party crowd for some time and want out. They even came to our church one time.

After all of us admittedly failed at this challenge, we watched session two of "A Walk Across the Room" by Bill Hybels. "Are you cocooning or connecting?" he asked. Holed up in the comfort of your home, cubicle, or church and surrounded only by what's familiar and safe like a caterpillar wrapped in its silk blanket? Or are you stepping out, breaking through conversation barriers, standing in your 'stretch zone' to make a spiritual connection with people?

I initially thought of myself as a connector. I mean, look at what I do on a weekly basis! Lead a Bible study, go to a Bible study, lead a small group at youth group, go to church, and host our college group. I probably make spiritual connections with at least 50 people a week.

Conviction immediately kicked in. Every single one of these people already knows Jesus and they are all church connections. So what am I doing outside of church?

*insert excuses here*

...But Paul is a better connector - he has "come to Jesus" talks with kids way more than I do. I am more comfortable with follow up conversations and I think that's how I'm wired. This does not excuse me from having them, though!
But I don't know anyone outside of church! That's your own fault, Elizabeth! If I had a job outside of the church, then I'd be able to connect. So what does that mean for my neighbors? It has nothing to do with where I work.
It's easier to have an excuse to connect, like a holiday. Then I could bring something over to my neighbors with a reason for it. I'll have to wait until Easter or Christmas to invite my neighbors to a church program. Connecting is not seasonal. I was even in the Christmas program this year and didn't even invite anyone to come see it. Plus, Valentine's day is a holiday and it's just around the corner...

Two days after this particular Bible study, a few of my neighbors were outside. I walked across the street and chatted. And laughed. And I loved it. We "hung out" for only about 15 minutes or so and I was so excited - I couldn't wait for Paul to come home from work so I could tell him I made a connection.

Bill Hybels makes sharing Christ so simple. As it should be, right? It can be natural, the outcome isn't up to us, and it doesn't have to be weird.

And thus, a burden for my neighbors has been birthed.
For the teenage girl I see walking home from my position on the couch.
For R + S, our neighbors in the corner house who want to be making different choices.
Even for the mailman who I see almost every day and is a pretty cool dude.

With my excuses exposed and the reality of Valentine's day just a few days away, I don't need any more reasons to knock on some doors and introduce myself to "Big Red", "11:45", the "invisible lady" next door, etc.

The fudge is made and cut into neat squares. Cookie dough is made.
Next step: homemade Valentine's for the residents of Maple Street.

Monday Nights

2011-01-26T15:13:00.000-08:00

Monday night Bible study is what I look forward to every week. I don't have to lead it nor do I have to prepare for it. I just get to come. Do you know how refreshing it is to not be the leader?

There are 15 of us - some weeks there are 8, some weeks there are more. I love that we don't have outside reading to do and we are so flexible that it's easy to miss one week and join the next. We call it our "no guilt Bible study." We understand each other's hectic schedules and will take each other when we can.

I am one of two women who are currently childless - everyone else is either with child or already a mom. I am thankful these women are pioneering before me and for the wisdom I'll glean from them when it's my turn!

I really believe that Monday nights have been watering holes in the midst of my desert. My soul has been nourished by their honesty, encouragement and prayers. Each week we draw someone else's name from the hat with specific things to pray for until we meet again. Many of these women have been meeting together for 10+ years and it is overwhelming to recount all the answers to our prayers. For marriages, for jobs, for healthy babies, for healing, etc.

Can't wait for next Monday.

The Desert Song

2011-01-04T13:17:00.000-08:00

I desire this song to be my heart's prayer
and I know it hasn't been.
It is downright hard to praise You in the desert
when I feel dry and discouraged.

It's easy to praise You on the mountaintops,
but in every season? I long to, I do.

For the joy of my salvation to be restored. (Psalm 51:12)
Just to be filled to be emptied again? It's exhausting, God. And it hurts.

I keep meeting with my small group girls because they ask to come over or meet for coffee, but how can this go on while I feel like I have nothing to give?

How can the weak lead the strong?

We sang The Desert Song by Hillsong United Sunday morning for the first time and it grabs me.

Verse 1:

This is my prayer in the desert

And all that's within me feels dry

This is my prayer in the hunger in me

My God is a God who provides

Verse 2:

And this is my prayer in the fire

In weakness or trial or pain

There is a faith proved

Of more worth than gold

So refine me Lord through the flames

Chorus:

And I will bring praise

I will bring praise

No weapon forged against me shall remain

I will rejoice

I will declare

God is my victory and He is here

Verse 3:

And this is my prayer in the battle

And triumph is still on it's way

I am a conqueror and co-heir with Christ

So firm on His promise I'll stand

Bridge:

All of my life

In every season

You are still God

I have a reason to sing

I have a reason to worship

Verse 4:

This is my prayer in the harvest

When favor and providence flow

I know I'm filled to be emptied again

The seed I've received I will sow

****

Much of what I am studying to share at our college group or with my after school Bible Study has been speaking to me in my own predicaments.

If God already knows my heart and my words before they're on my tongue, what difference does prayer make? (our college group is going through Yancey's book on prayer.)

And this verse stuck out to me in the book (Girl Talk with God) I'm starting this afternoon with some high school girls. 1 Peter 1:7-8 These trials have come so that your faith - of greater worth than gold, may be proved genuine and may result in praise, glory and honor when Jesus Christ is revealed.

And this verse at the top of a friend's blog:
1 Corinthians 7:17 And don't be wishing you were someplace else or with someone else. Where you are right now is God's place for you. Live and obey and love and believe right there.

You are still God, just like the song says.

Run, Forest, Run!

2011-01-04T12:29:00.000-08:00

Never before have I considered myself a runner.

Chrislyn and Kayla both ran a half-marathon last Spring. Never have I even considered the idea of running by choice on a regular basis. Actually, I've quickly considered the idea and then just as quickly dismissed it because I tried running and hated it. The first time I went, I tried to keep up with Paul and my asthma kicked in. The second time, I had to stop by the public restroom, if you know what I mean. The third time my ankles hurt, and there was no forth, fifth or sixth time. I quit.

And then an opportunity presented itself to join Chrislyn in the St. Louis Go! Half Marathon in April 2011. I signed up even before I started running again just to make myself to commit to it.

And thus, the training has begun. Right now I"m not on a training regime, I'm just jogging to get in shape so that by the time January rolls around, I should be putting in 15 miles a week and ready for a training schedule.

I still think it's crazy that I'm actually spending money to run 13.1 miles, $80 to be exact. Not only does it cost money, but it takes a while to get suited up.

Convince myself to put my workout clothes and shoes on.
Put on workout pants ($19), dri-fit socks ($6), tank top and nike dri-fit top (for some reason I already had a workout tank and the Nike top I got from Goodwill before I went to Bolivia), headband to keep my ears warm ($5), and new shoes that are supposed to help my ankles ($95).
Convince myself to actually leave the house...
Determine route and set playlist and stopwatch on iPod

I have been surprisingly disciplined with running so far and am hoping I can keep it up until the race on April 10th. I started running November 15th and have put in 21 runs so far.

Total distance run: 59.25 miles
Total calories burned: 6,878
Longest distance run without stopping: 4 miles
Fastest time: 2.6 miles with a 9:30 pace

Am I fast? No.
Am I determined? Yes.

Meh.

2010-12-13T11:23:00.000-08:00

Someday, I'll be glad I wrote today's post. It will eventually be nice to reflect on these times, thankful that God dragged me out of this pit with my peace and joy restored.

For right now, though, it just plain stinks and it's hard to write down. Will I really want to remember these days?

The funk I find myself is lingering much longer than I'd like to admit.

I'm feeling uncharacteristically unmotivated.

At this point in my job search, I feel "meh." Now uncertain that a job will help and I don't see a way out anytime soon.

Free Christmas Cards!

2010-11-30T13:43:00.000-08:00

If you're a blog-follower, you may have already seen dozens of posts about Shutterfly's 50-free Christmas cards. Here's another one! I'm not usually one to follow through on several steps to receive a free gift because it seems like too much effort. However, this time around, I'm living on a budget and 50-free cards is good-enough incentive for me!

This will be the first year we're sending out Christmas cards since our wedding was just months before Christmas last year and our hands were too tired from writing thank you notes. I love receiving cards with yearly updates and hope to cleverly display them this year, too.

For you to qualify for 50 free cards, follow these steps:

Write a blog post about the Christmas cards and include 3 of your favorite Shutterfly designs. (Mine are: the Christmas Letter Christmas Card, the Pretty Little Ornaments Christmas Card, and the Joy Ornament Christmas Card, although I may end up choosing a different one altogether!)
Share your blog link on Facebook and Twitter (I don't have Twitter, so I'm hoping I still qualify)

More exact details, go here.

I'm excited to add Christmas cards to our list of "Team Bricknell" holiday traditions! Maybe ours will end up on your fridge! :)

Bible Study

2010-11-15T21:30:00.000-08:00

Today, I'm thankful for my Monday night Bible study.

Sundays are work days for Paul and I don't often come away 'filled' or inspired from the service.
Mondays afternoons, Paul leads a bible study for some high school boys.
Tuesday afternoons, he leads one for middle school kids.
Wednesdays are for 150+ middle and high school kids at youth group and the occasional "late start breakfast" at our house for my junior girls.

And Monday nights are for ME.

I'm so thankful for this group of women, most of whom are young moms with crazy schedules, who set Monday nights aside for fellowship and study. We just finished going through Chip Ingram's "The Invisible War" and it was both eye-opening and beneficial to study spiritual warfare. This is a group who faithfully meets together and prays for each other. These ladies have been meeting for years and it is so special to rejoice together over answered prayers and continued petitions.

I'm thankful for this outlet - where I don't have to teach anything and I don't even have to say anything if I don't want to.

I can just come.

My Thoughtful Hubs

2010-11-14T16:14:00.000-08:00

Today, I'm thankful for my thoughtful husband who surprised and blessed me with many lovely gifts upon my return home:

a warm airport greeting complete with a gorgeous bouquet of flowers
window shopping at Ikea and Home Goods to kill time before our "mystery dinner"
Dinner at P.F. Chang's (thanks Mattanda!) and our new menu favorite: crispy green beans
the unexpected night's stay at the Heathman Lodge in Vancouver... just because.

I'm so glad I married a man who likes to surprise me.

He sure knows how to make me melt!

Home, Sweet Home

2010-11-13T15:49:00.000-08:00

Today, I'm thankful for HOME.

I've lived in a number of places since leaving Grants Pass as a college student and none has felt as "mine" as ours on Maple Street.

Paul did major work on the house when he moved in 4 years ago. New insulation, new siding, new windows, new window trim, new baseboards, new plumbing, new bathroom, new paint... the list goes on! We are (well, mostly Paul) wrapping up some loose ends and putting finishing touches inside. Now we have windowsills!

Now we're picking out curtains and artwork and it seems as though we're always rearranging. We've had to be creative with furniture placement in our 2-bedroom, 1-bathroom home. We'll spend hours cleaning out our narrow, single-car garage to park a car inside, only to start parking in the driveway again to provide temporary storage for our things as we paint, refinish furniture, etc. It's been a tiresome process and things are looking good at the Bricknell's.

Now we have to find a place for our Christmas tree...

Dishwasher

2010-11-12T15:46:00.000-08:00

Today, I'm thankful for our dishwasher.

In Mexico, I was washing dishes by hand which I have done much of in the past. Coming home to a dishwasher was delightful!

We were gifted a portable dishwasher from some friends the day Paul got his cast on in May. We giggle at the impeccable timing and are thankful our friends were gutting their kitchen and no longer needed their dishwasher.

Cribbage

2010-11-11T14:39:00.000-08:00

Today, I'm thankful for the game of Cribbage!

I learned how to play in college (thanks, Audge!) but was never very good because I didn't play it often enough to really grasp the strategy. Paul whooped me every time we played together, and he decided to start keeping score. So, on the back of our cribbage board, we have a tally set up. Sure enough, ever since we've been keeping score, I've been winning!

This has been a fun way to spend our evenings together. It gives us a good excuse to turn off the tv, grab a bowl of ice cream, and play some cards before bed.

Youth Group

2010-11-10T22:20:00.000-08:00

Today, I'm thankful for youth group.

I got to skype with the youth group on the big screen, all the way from Chihuahua, Mexico! It's the first Wednesday night I've missed since I got married, and it was so special to still be a part of things 2,000 miles away.

Though I like to think I turned out okay without a solid youth group growing up, I am so thankful for what our middle school and high school kids have at Calvary - something I never had.

an AMAZING youth pastor who has far out done the average tenure of 18 months. Try 8 years! (The youth pastor before Paul was there for 18 years.)
30+ adult volunteers who show up every Wednesday night
a multi-generational youth camp that has been put on for 25 years at Mayfield Lake. Hundreds of teens have made decisions for Christ here. Men and women up to their 80s volunteer in the kitchen or snack shack, and even new moms with their babies sleep in the cabins as counselors. This is one of the best things that Calvary does as a church.

My cabin of junior girls last July

Mud games involving watermelons and crisco...

Team Bricknell baptizing one of my small group girls. Such a proud moment for me...errr...us!

Loving God With My Mind

2010-11-09T21:08:00.000-08:00

Today, I'm thankful that I can love God with my mind.
Growing up, I never questioned the things I learned; I accepted most everything as Truth.

Then I went to George Fox University which blew my mind!

I learned to think for myself, to ask questions of things I had never once considered.
I remember walking out of my philosophy class and theology class wanting to rip out my hair because I didn't have the answers to the questions I was asking.

How can the presence of an all-good, all-knowing, all-powerful and all-loving God coexist with the presence of suffering, injustice and evil?
What is the point of prayer if God already knows everything?
Can prayer change God's mind?
What does the Bible mean when it says that women shouldn't teach men?

At times, I've doubted.
I still struggle.
And I kept going back for more.
I am so thankful for the freedom in which I can do all three.
I've come to believe that when I wrestle with such complex issues, I'm loving God with the mind He created me with.

Jesus replied, "Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind."
-Matthew 22:37

4-H & Selling Books

2010-11-08T16:29:00.000-08:00

Today I'm thankful for my 4-H experience and Paul's door-to-door book selling.

I didn't raise livestock or do anything animal-related.
What I did wasn't the least bit popular at the time. I did the "Suzy Homemaker" side of 4-H which included cooking and sewing. While my friends were at the fairgrounds riding the Gravitron with their armband of unlimited rides, I was either making Apple Souffle in a timed competition in front of judges or taking pictures wearing my homemade schoolhouse vest with apple buttons. (Oh, and I had round glasses, too. Geek alert!)

Little did I know at the time, about 15 years ago, that the homemaking skills I learned would prepare me to be Paul's wife. He loves to bring up the fact that I hold Grand Champion ribbons in both categories. Even more than that, he loves eating what I've cooked up.
*****
Paul sold books door-to-door for two summers while attending Multnomah. He drove cross country and sold books in a small town in New York. Southwestern provided opportunities for personal growth, mentoring, character building and life skills training. There were times when he felt like giving up and he pushed through. Paul often refers to this experience as something that prepared him to be a better husband and dad someday.

Thank you, Lord, for preparing us for each other even when we didn't realize it.

True Friends

2010-11-07T15:46:00.000-08:00

Today I'm thankful for heart conversations with my friends. We talk about family, church, worship, prayer, jobs, our future, etc. It's refreshing to be around people who have known me for a long time because we're not satisfied with simple "hellos" and "how are yous."

To all my true friends, you know who you are,
Thank you!

Webcams

2010-11-06T20:35:00.000-07:00

Today, I am thankful for webcams, g-chat, skype, and the like. This afternoon, while 2000 miles apart, Paul and I got to see each other! We used Skype and chatted for about 45 minutes. It's hard to imagine traveling without the Internet to stay in touch, and I'm not sure I'd be willing to do it.

It's comforting to see my husband's face and I appreciate that it's free and easy!

The Pacific Northwest

2010-11-05T17:15:00.000-07:00

I don't ever want to live in El Paso, TX... or Chihuahua, MX for that matter. The scenery consists of only 3 colors: blue, brown and green. The sky is blue, the ground is brown, and the green is from the few trees in the area. The mountains that exist here don't even compare to those in the NW.

I am so thankful to have grown up in an area abundant with lakes, mountains, beach access, trees, flowers, and seasons, as opposed to this:

Car Conversations

2010-11-04T21:03:00.000-07:00

Today, I am thankful for car rides with my husband, with his hand on my knee. We got up at 4:15 and were on the road by 5am to get to the airport for my adventure to Mexico. Paul is the best traveling companion, even at 5am. Even at 5 o'clock in the morning, we talked the whole way down - I can't even remember the details of our conversation, but I do remember feeling content and peaceful. With his hand on my knee, I feel loved and safe.

I love you, Paul, and I love that you took me to the airport before the crack of dawn because you wanted to. :)

M-I-L

2010-11-03T12:30:00.000-07:00

Today (and every Wednesday morning), I am thankful for my mother-in-law. Rachel (my m-i-l) is absolutely amazing. She is a woman who loves her family so much and I am so blessed to be a Bricknell under her care! We have coffee every Wednesday at 10:15am and are using it as an excuse to discover the coffee shops in town and connect as girls- she has two boys. :)

Thank you, Momma B. :)

Sunshine!

2010-11-02T08:44:00.000-07:00

Today, I'm thankful for sunshine. I'm beginning to hate Longview's weather less and less on days like today. The brilliant colors of the leaves are magnified on clear days like this, and I'm pretty sure I've discovered the most beautiful red-leafed tree in Longview - if only I had my camera!

Leaky Roof

2010-11-01T08:43:00.000-07:00

In the spirit of Thanksgiving and in an effort not to overlook its importance with all the Christmas distractions, I'm choosing something to be thankful for each day.

Today, I am thankful for a roof over our heads. Even though it leaks... we are dry and have a cozy home to keep us warm during rain storms.

This is the surprise we found in in our bathroom today:

Paul climbed on the roof in the pouring rain and put a tarp down, which stopped the water from coming inside. When it was sunny a few days later, he patched it, and now we are waiting for it to rain again to see if it works!

Thank you, Lord, for our roof!

SYATP

2010-09-22T13:41:00.001-07:00

While it was borderline painful to get out of bed this morning at 6:15 (ok, more like 6:30), we are so glad we did. Paul went to support some middle schoolers with their See You at The Pole, while I went to support my small group girls at the high school. We were so proud of what we witnessed!

Paul met with about 35 kids at the middle school, which is a lot considering their age and none of them drive.

I was so pleased to see 80 kids at the high school at 7am, and one of our students had already began organizing and sharing his vision for the morning. By the time the group dispersed for classes, I counted 175 students. I was so moved by the stand they made this morning - in front of their peers and administrators.

One Year: 9-19-10

2010-09-20T12:49:00.000-07:00

xoxo Happy One Year Anniversary to Us! xoxo

Thursday night, we had dinner at The Mansion in Longview, using a gift certificate that Paul acquired from Pastor Appreciation month from 2004. Our gracious server honored the certificate, and we were one of two couples dining that evening. We topped the evening off with the movie "Date Night."

Friday, we skipped town and went to Washington Square Mall where we got to treat each other to a little something special, even if it was just the "necessities". :) Then, we drove to Cannon Beach, ignored the drizzle, got soaked on our walk to Haystack Rock, flew a kite, took lots of fun pictures, and dried out at Bella Espresso sipping delicious white mochas. We christened our new journal that was purchased and hand painted in Thailand by journaling about our favorite memories from our first year of marriage, and making goals for our future. We topped the trip off with clam chowder bread bowls at Mo's.

(Paul liked my new perfume... that I got for free!)

Saturday, we made breakfast for some friends who helped us wire our heat pump, and then we lazed around the rest of the day.

Sunday, our actual Anniversary, we spent at church, then at a surprise 80th birthday party for one of Paul's mentors, who also happens to be his uncle. Then, we took Morgan to Willow Grove and enjoyed the beach by the Columbia River. For dinner, we recreated our wedding meal (with the gracious help of Sandy, Paul's secretary) which I enjoyed for the first time a year after the fact. I was too sick to eat any of it on our wedding day. :( We even ate our cake which had been stashed in the freezer for such a time as this!

I gave Paul a special scrapbook I'd been working on for us. It's a compilation of emails, cards, memorabilia and pictures from when we first met through our first year of marriage. I don't think I'll do this every year, but I was surprised at how much I'd saved since we started getting to know each other.

I cannot, for the life of me, get this picture to rotate! Anyway, this is the first email Paul ever sent me.

My journal entry right before we started dating...

Cards Paul gave me on my mission trip to Chile, to open periodically throughout my 2 weeks.

Thailand vacation; our garden

I also added our Anniversary cards to each other for the last page of the scrapbook:

Paul's card to me

My card to Paul

I can't wait to show this to our children and grandchildren someday!

Discipline - or lack thereof

2010-09-13T15:47:00.000-07:00

Enough procrastinating. Slowly and surely, I am going to catch up on my blog.

I can blame my blog-less-ness on several things; an intense summer, being out of the country, blah, blah, blah. I'm running out of excuses, and my friends are starting to get on my case which is exactly what I need! (You know who you are.)

What it really boils down to, though, is my lack of discipine. Discipline is something I admire about a lot of people in my life: working full time while pursuing a degree, (and let's be honest: just plain working), raising a family, keeping the house clean, etc. Admittedly, the longer I've been unemployed, the more I find myself sitting at home with the clock ticking by, and lacking the desire to do anything productive. I'm frustrated with myself (gah! a mellow, piano song just came on in this coffee shop, and emotions are getting the best of me... fighting back tears) and this lack of drive, which (I hope) is uncharacteristic.

I've only been back in the country for 2 weeks, and 4 of those days were spent in Grants Pass with my family. Paul is back at work, and I'm at home by myself. We had such a crazy summer and I was so involved. And, along with the returning of normalcy to the Bricknell household, discouragement has come right along with it.

Returning from Thailand consisted of 4 loads of laundry, back to cooking and cleaning, unloading and loading the dishwasher, cleaning the bathroom, taking care of the garden, etc. These things occupy my time, yet occupy no place in my heart (although the garden has been a surprisingly enjoyable). The other night, I put dinner on the table abruptly and my conversation was limited. Poor Paul. Of course, he asked what was wrong and I replied "I've been Suzy-homemaker all day and it's just really hard sometimes."

I'm getting incredibly antsy to do something I love.

To do something that brings me great purpose and joy.

To pass my time with something other than household 'musts.'

The funny thing is that I just got back from leading a mission trip to Thailand, which is right up my alley. Maybe it sparked something in me that has got me missing a specified role.

And then a friend posted this link on Facebook, recognizing a career in Higher Education as one of the best careers of 2009... and then I came across this year's pictures of Walkabout and Res. Life staff bonding.

And then there was my recent trip to GFU to visit one of our youth group girls who is a Freshman this year.

I LONG for a job in higher education, and I can't have it here in Longview, which is where the Lord has us for now. (It's not that I don't love volunteering with the youth ministry, and I do see fruit from those relationships. It's just... different.)

I have never once regretted leaving NCU as the Area Residence Coordinator/Campus Pastor Assistant because it meant beginning a life with my partner and co-laborer in Christ: Paul. I will never, ever regret that decision.

And so I continue to wrestle with my current reality and attitude.

Lord, help me.

The Garden

2010-06-04T17:58:00.000-07:00

22 Steps to planting our first garden

Step 1: Kill grass.

Step 2: Enlist help from brother (in law) to dig up dead grass.

Step 3: Get rid of clumps, etc.

Step 4: Dump truckload of chicken manure on top of dirt.

Step 5: Take long shower to get rid of chicken poop from hair and under clothes.

Step 6: Call around to find free use of rototiller

Step 7: Till plot with huge tractor

Step 8: Dig some more

Step 9: Rake out clumps and level out dirt.

Step 10: Pose for silly picture

Step 11: Take another silly picture to celebrate progress thus far.

Step 12: Rake dirt/chicken poop into garden plots and walkways.

Step 13: Make holes for seeds.

Step 14: Plant seeds (these are pea holes...te he he)

Step 15: Decide garden isn't big enough to plant all purchased seeds, so convince hubby to extend garden plot.

Step 16: Dig up more grass, haul in more manure, level out and repeat steps 13 & 14, without hubby's help due to fractured wrist.

Step 17: Grumble, grumble, grumble (because the work is hard), then apologize and commit to show more grace to helpless hubby.

Step 18: Put in grass barrier along edge of grass and garden to prevent grass creepage.

Step 19: Put up "rabbit fence" to keep dog out of "perfect-for-digging-in" dirt.

Step 20: Run out of room (again) so dig up grass on opposite side of yard and plant sunflowers!

Step 21: 1 month later, take pictures of garden progress!

Dahlia (to remember wedding flowers)

The garden plot. The first section is full of flowers; the second is full of veggies.

Sweet Peas

Sunflower

Sunflower row

This sunflower still has the shell attached to its leaf!

Carrots

Corn

Lettuce

Onions (struggling)

Sweet Peas

Potatoes

Tomatoes & Rhubarb

As Seen on TV: "Topsy Turvy Strawberry Planter" - holds 15 plants!

Step 22: Eat first ripe strawberry!

Camping Trip #2

2010-06-01T12:40:00.000-07:00

As soon as Memorial Day weekend was a subject of conversation, I wrote on Paul's calendar: "Take El away!" It didn't matter where, just somewhere out of town. Our summer schedule is very full, and it would be a shame to not take advantage of any/every opportunity to spend some "us" time.
With our recent compilation of camping gear, we talked about taking a backpacking trip somewhere, and then, this happened:

Paul got a big boo-boo. He fell on his hand during a basketball game 2 1/2 weeks ago and ended up fracturing his wrist. We were thinking he'd be put in a half cast, and our jaws dropped when we found out it was going to be this extensive. Although the fracture is at the base of his thumb and index finger, they had to completely immobilize his whole right arm (yes, he's right handed). Apparently, it's a really important bone in his wrist that must heal properly. He's in this bad boy for 4 weeks, and then they'll put him in a different one (hopefully less obtrusive) for another 4 weeks. The worst part is that we're just beginning the busiest season of the whole year, and 4th of July means manning the fireworks tent and moving big boxes. Camp is also approaching, which is the biggest, most extensive event Paul puts on. We're optimistic the cast will be off by the time we leave for Thailand August 3rd.

Paul gave the nurse a good laugh when he took of his jacket and revealed the slogan on his t-shirt, just before they put the cast on.

"Broken"

Paul was a great sport and took me camping anyway, despite my offer to go to Hawaii instead. :) He got his cast Thursday, and by Friday at 11am, we spontaneously decided to camp, looking past the wet weather. 2 hours later, and after a quick stop to buy a tent pole for our rain fly, we hit the road and drove North.

We were lucky to find a campsite along the Elwha River, and pitched our tent during a break in the rain. We made spaghetti for dinner, and drank hot chocolate for dessert.

Dinner

Dessert :) (plus licorice)

Madison Creek Falls

Though it rained through the night, we stayed dry! The JetBoil boils water in 60 seconds, so cooking was pretty easy. The rain had ceased by the time we got up, and we continued our drive around the entire park with a several sightseeing stops along the way.

At the top!

A brief break in the clouds to view the Olympics

Cup o' Noodles for lunch at a lookout point along Hurricane Ridge - except the clouds were so low we couldn't see anything!

That black thing to the right of the road is a BEAR!

Black Bear

Hugging the world's largest Spruce tree

Ruby Beach

Family Portrait @ Ruby Beach

We were only able to camp for one night since we had to be back Sunday morning, but it was a great road trip and a refreshing getaway.

Here's to spontaneity!

Camping Trip #1

2010-05-31T23:31:00.000-07:00

Paul and I spent our Memorial Day lounging. We stayed up late last night watching "Avatar" (I finished it this morning because I fell asleep) and were so content to just be at home. It was so dark this morning that we slept in until 10-something, and then stayed in our sweats until late afternoon. We got some cleaning done and then took advantage of the sunshine with lawn mowing and some more planting in our garden. My garlic cloves sprouted on the shelves in a dark cupboard (still haven't figured out how that happened) so I stuck them in the ground!

******

I can still remember the surprised response from Paul when he first learned I was a backpacking and hiking kind of girl. It was our second or third date, and we were driving to Portland for dinner and Comedy Sports. I made some comment about my Walkabout experience at George Fox and how I haven't been backpacking in a while. Paul turned to me and excitedly asked: "you like that sort of thing?!" I was admittedly a bit offended that he didn't think I was that 'type,' but then again, he'd only seen me in my date outfits. :)

We registered through REI for our wedding and received some wonderful gifts, but couldn't put anything to use since camping weather had passed. Finally, on the eve of May 7th, we got our tent out of the attic, drove out of town, and pitched it in....... the REI parking lot in Tualatin! We were among the hardcore, rolling in at 11:30pm and setting up behind about 15 other tents. The Used Gear Sale was the next morning and we weren't about to pay full price for the remaining items on our wish list.

(ours is the last tent in line in the distance)

We fell asleep to freeway traffic and woke up to street sweepers and early arrivers. We unzipped our tent the next morning to find over 50 people in line behind us. Groggily, we emerged and said our good mornings to those standing 5 feet from our opening. We quickly made friends with the guys in line behind us, and they offered to hold our place while we got breakfast and coffee at Peet's across the street, as well as some teeth brushing and freshening up in their restroom.

As the clock neared 9am, the line scrunched up near the gate. As the gate opened, people started running, and I watched Paul take off in front of me. He went for the sleeping pads and I went for the trekking poles. We spent the remainder of our gift cards and his birthday money, and came away with:

2 sets of seemingly brand new trekking poles for $14.88 each (normally $70 & $120)
2 sleeping pads - 1 was discounted to $14.88 because it didn't have its original packaging, the other to $38 because "the core was cold" - whatever that means! (normally $70 & $120)
hiking boots for Paul for $70. The previous owner didn't like the soles. (normally $125)
booties for Morgan for $16 (normally $40)
moldable insoles for $5 (normally $45)
a backpacking pot holder for $2 (normally $12)
a brand new Jet Boil because Paul's had rusted.... free! (normally $100)

These sales are literally the Black Friday of outdoor gear!

Needless to say, it was a successful camping/shopping trip. To top it off, we spent more gift cards at Bed Bath and Beyond, ate a free lunch at Olive Garden with a gift card, and then rode the OHSU sky tram, just for fun.

View from the top

We love shopping with free money, and it was a fantastic getaway for the two of us.

From brown and drab to red and GLAM

2010-04-13T11:38:00.000-07:00

I mentioned in one of my previous posts about a new website I'm following called "Better After," and now I have my very own Better After project!

This was one of Paul's old dining room chairs. It was another one of those things he inherited for free as a bachelor - one of the many we have adorning our home!When we got married, we bought a new dining room table set and up went the chairs... to the attic. We're planning a yard sale in June to raise money for our mission trip to Thailand with the youth group and the chairs were on the list of things to sell.

To sell, that is, until I came across the Better After blog and got inspired to spruce these babies up! I followed the steps from these painting tutorials: Painting Furniture 101 and Glazing 101.

I unscrewed the chair pad from the frame and removed all the staples and nails holding the upholstery in place. To my surprise, the brown fabric was layered on top of a purple checkered fabric, so I ripped that off too. (I was afraid the the pattern would show through the fabric I bought so I got rid of it all.)

I primed the chair with a spray can of Kilz primer. (no picture)

I sprayed the chair with 2-3 coats of Krylon Candy Apple Red (the adjustable spray nozzle of this brand makes painting EASY.)

I used black glaze (brush on, wipe off) to make the details of the chair back POP.

The blue chair in the background is another project I'm working on... same "before" chair!

I covered the seat with fabric I bought at JoAnn's for 40% off. I played around with the placement of fabric on the seat cushion until the pattern was where I wanted it. I pinned it in place, flipped it over, cut it to size, and used a staple gun to secure it.

I screwed the seat cushion back into the chair, and voila!

I think the bronze-ish fireplace in the background needs a paint job, too!

Paul and I are both thrilled with the end result and are looking critically at our other 'acquired for free' pieces. It's amazing what a coat of paint can do! Stay tuned for more "Better Afters". :)

What next?

2010-03-11T00:01:00.000-08:00

As aforementioned, I am on the job hunt.

I remember the first time I ever looked for a real job.

March 2006:

I was a senior at George Fox with "what next?" ringing in my ears. The day before I flew down to San Francisco to interview for a ministry-related job, I was offered the job as the On-Site Director at Tilikum. Within 2 days, I had 2 incredible job offers, and one was for a job I didn't even apply for.

Fast forward to June 2007:

Fresh from Boliva, the all-too-familiar "what next" rang in my ears again. This time, with just enough in my bank account to cover a few month's rent while I looked for a job. I spent hours searching Craig's list and applying for non-profits in the Portland area. (My thoughts from August '07 are not too far off from what I'm thinking now.) Not expecting to get my dream job until the following year when the Higher-Ed application cycle would begin again, I heard about an opening at NCU. I got turned down for a job I thought I was perfect for just in time to interview for the Area Residence Coordinator position. Call me crazy, but 2 weeks later, I moved back into a college dorm and took the job.

July 1, 2009:

I left my stable, good-paying job and rent-free apartment to begin life in Longview, or "El-Town." While not living my dream job because I simply don't have a job, I am living the dream because I'm married to Paul.

Yet, I'm unemployed, and have been for almost 8 1/2 months. I am constantly checking websites for jobs with the city, county, school, community college, etc. I've scoured the newspaper classifieds and craigslist.

And nothing toots my horn. Nothing, that is, except for the current job postings at both Northwest Christian & George Fox... Area Coordinator (GFU) & Area Residence Coordinator (NCU).

I've read the job descriptions over and over again, even tearing up.

My dream job and the job I left.

Everything I would love to do and get paid to do it.

I've been a barista and a waitress, and then I graduated from college and entered the professional world and I don't want to go back behind the counter.

I know what I love to do and have a good idea of what I'm good at.

I'm picky and don't want to settle for just any job, even though I'm nearing desperation.

I want to do something I'm passionate about. I want to use my gifts and talents. I want something flexible so I can maintain my involvement with the youth ministry.

The major problem with all of this, though, is that there just aren't any job openings in Longview that make my heart sing. Employment opportunities in general are limited.

I feel so stuck.

So when do I let go of my dream job? When do I settle, just for the sake of working?

Do I take a job just to get paid, and do my best to do what I love on the side in the form of volunteering?

It's obvious God has provided for me in the past.

I know I know I know God's timing is perfect.

My ears continue to ring with

"What next?"

In a nutshell:

2010-03-10T15:41:00.000-08:00

I've been on 5 retreats in 5 months. (3 youth group retreats, 1 couples retreat, 1 women's retreat) We've started a tradition of making crepes for breakfast every Monday following a retreat weekend.

Needless to say, I treasure my weekends at home with Paul.

I now know what it means to live "paycheck to paycheck."

I'm job-hunting.

There are only 9 episodes left of LOST... ever! We spent the first 4 months of our marriage watching seasons 1-5 since I had never seen it before. That's a lot of LOST!

On Sundays, I'm on the worship team and co-teach middle school Sunday school, with the occasional mission trip meeting.

On Mondays, I make snacks for Paul's high school guys Bible study that meets at our house.

On Tuesdays, I make snacks and lead a Bible Study for high school girls, also at our house.

Wednesday is youth group and I'm a 10th grade girls small group leader.

Thursday is worship practice (if I'm singing Sunday morning)

Fridays and Saturdays are our weekends because Paul has those days off!

Dinner + (Dishes x 2) - Dishwasher = tired feet and an amazing husband who cleans up after me!

I'm enjoying weekly dinner dates with my in-laws and weekly coffee dates with my mother-in-law, which I consider an absolute JOY!

Morgan has gone from a large dog to a VERY large dog. She gained 10 pounds in 2 months and now weighs 104.

Slowly, but surely, I'm making my way through the book of Acts & "Crazy Love" by Francis Chan.

I'm addicted to the Better After blog which features do-it-yourself projects from kitchens to tables to desks and I'm inspired to visit Goodwill/Craigslist and buy some paint!

I have never before cooked with so much cilantro, and we're loving it!

I'm feeling the urge to get out my sewing machine and create something, which I haven't done in 3 years.

I am also feeling the urge to learn how to play the guitar.

Paul and I are talking about planting a garden in our backyard. We want tomatoes, carrots, green beans, lettuce, potatoes and lots of flowers like dahlias.

Our youth group is visiting the Real.Life.Exhibit. at Medical Teams International this weekend!

Our homeowner's wish list keeps growing: hardwood floors, dishwasher, increased kitchen counter space, window trim, landscaping, etc.

I am still writing thank you notes from our wedding.

Paul and I are hoping to spend an extra week in Thailand in August after our 2-week mission trip ends to celebrate our 1-year Anniversary!

TurboTax and Quicken are simplifying our finances and therefore, our life. They are fantastic.

It's been a while

2010-03-09T13:07:00.000-08:00

It has been months since I've blogged aside from posting articles that intrigue me. Although I haven't written much myself, I still spend a fair amount of time catching up on posts from those I follow.

For a long time, my blog was the only space I could spill, especially without my mom or sister close by. I didn't have anyone to come home to, and talking on the phone just wasn't the same, so I wrote.

I've noticed that I've blogged less and less since Paul and I got married. Now I have someone to come home to, to vent to, to blab to, to spill to. And once I do, I'm good. I don't feel the same need to journal anymore because I'm not coming home to an empty apartment. I'm not alone. Paul is my confidant, my listening ear, my patient and compassionate husband, my best friend.

While I am loving my new avenue of processing, I miss opportunities to share about everyday life with people I don't get to see on a daily basis. So, this is an attempt to start writing again.

*****

I have the most to say on Wednesday nights. Sometimes, after all the straggling kids have finally left the church building, after all the rubber communion cup holders have been put back in the pews (apparently they are fun to play with), after the attendance sheets have been returned to the church office, and after my mouth is dry from so much talking, I have more to say and Paul graciously listens. We'll sit together in his office and decompress.

Paul is running the middle school program right now so I'm eager to fill him in on what's happening with the high school group. I give him the low down on the worship experience, what I observed about kids who were in attendance, whose cell phone I had to confiscate, how my small group went, and who wanted to talk to me afterward. And then we drive home together, and we talk the whole way home.

It never ceases to amaze me how much happens in a 2 hour time period and how much I know about the girls in my small group after being with them for only 6 months. I am reminded how 'in your face' brokenness is. These 15-16 year old girls are dealing with eating disorders, health complications, deaths, divorce, sex, manipulative friends, etc..

God is using the painful parts of my past to speak Truth and Wisdom to these girls. I still can't fathom thanking the Lord for some of the hardships I experienced at NCU, and yet I am seeing glimmers of purpose as I relate to teenagers.

I shake my head in disbelief, never thinking any good could possibly come,

and yet

here I am.

Rise in sex-trafficking attributed to the Olympics

2010-02-19T11:34:00.001-08:00

This article is from Relevant Magazine:

Believe it or not, the Olympics is a hot-bed for human rights violations.

The Olympics are usually a time when countries compete in friendly bouts of athletic tests and citizens cheer them on. Even when countries might bicker politically (or militarily), the Olympics is a place for peaceful coexistence through sport. The 2010 Winter Games (commencing tonight in Vancouver, British Columbia, Canada) should be no different.

But recently, groups have begun to highlight a dark side to the Olympic Games. According to a report from The Future Project, an organization in Canada dedicated to the eradication of human sex trafficking (the practice of coercing people against their will into the sex trade), the possibility of sex trafficking rises exponentially at international sporting events like the Olympics. The report says the number of human trafficking victims almost doubled in Greece the year of the 2004 Athens Games, and still hasn't returned to pre-2004 levels.

The Future Project's report also notes that international sporting events are particularly insidious in the sex trade industry, as it makes it easier to bring visitors into the country who may be unwilling victims of the sex trade. This coincides with an increase in demand for prostitution and other forms of sexual exploitation by attendees. Though a disturbing truth, it is inescapable in a year that will see both the Winter Olympics and the World Cup. (Already, a couple in Wales was arrested for running an expansive prostitution ring of young Nigerian girls, an operation they intended to move to South Africa in time for the World Cup this summer.) Vancouver holds a reputation as a city attractive to traffickers; a 2007 U. S. State Department report said there were many victims, particularly from South Korea, who are sent through Vancouver before being trafficked into the United States.

When you add several hundred thousand extra people into a market place, some who are 'out of town,' without common decency boundaries and behaving outside of their norms, then the demand for illicit sex will increase,â€ says Brian Venables, Divisional Secretary for Public Relations and Development of the Salvation Army's British Colombia Division. Historical data indicates that when the world stage comes to a community the crimes against women and sex crimes increase.

In 2008, the Salvation Army launched a campaign called The Truth Isn't Sexy to combat human sex trafficking in that area, and have now intensified their efforts with the arrival of the Winter Games. It relies heavily on the use of startling ads in magazines, billboards and TV and radio spots to show the face of human sex trafficking and the innocence lost. From there, people are directed to their website, containing a wealth of information to educate the public about the severity of this crisis. They also host events and partner with other various agencies to shine a spotlight on the dark world of human sex trafficking. Their research finds that roughly 800 are enslaved in Canada's sex industry at any given time, the majority of which are young women between 12 and 25 years of age. An estimated total of 8,000 females become victims of this inhumane system every year in Canada alone, a number that is expected to grow in 2010. The pendulum is swinging and there are more and more domestically trafficked girls and women, no longer just foreign individuals. If we raise the awareness, more caring individuals will be mindful of what to look for and how to report it," explains Venables.

A group called Resist Exploitation, Embrace Dignity (REED) is also sounding the alarm in Vancouver with acampaign dubbed "Buying Sex Is Not a Sport." REED has set up panels and forums around Vancouver in the lead-up to the 2010 Winter Olympics. The group seeks to inform people of the increased demand for sex during the Olympics, and ways they can get involved in eradicating the trade. Their site even posted a list of "10 Things You Can Do Today" to promote dignity and protest destructive sexual paradigms, including simple tasks such as, challenge those who make sexist jokes.â€ The campaign stresses that in order for human trafficking to cease, the demand for paid sex must cease as well. Buttons, stickers and shirts bearing the "Buying Sex Is Not a Sport" logo are also being sold to prompt further conversation about the issue.

REED makes a valid point that real change is going to come not only from restoring the victims of sex trafficking but in challenging the mindsets and environments that condone or promote it. Those buying and selling, though the guilty party, are going to need just as much rehabilitation. Venables and the Salvation Army team agree. Now we are addressing the demand side of the equation and have directed our creativity to demonstrate the pain and shame, not [only] of the victims but the users of the issue, Venables affirmed.

It remains to be seen what kind of impact REED, Salvation Army and other anti-sex trafficking initiatives will have in Vancouver during these next few weeks. But of all of the noble efforts being displayed at these games, this is one worth rooting for. â€œWe want to rescue as many as we can to hopefully make it less profitable and reduce human trafficking as a practice in Canada and globally, concludes Venables. We want to restore the sparkle of hope in the eyes of these young people and help them become survivors instead of victims.

Thoughts?

Blog Facelift

2010-01-16T17:49:00.000-08:00

It's been 3 years since I left for Bolivia, which means it's been 3 years since I ate my first chuno, developed a heart for women who prostitute, and wrote my first blog.

Bolivia will forever be burned in my heart and mind as I continue to think about and share about those 4 months, and yet, it's time for a change.

I think I've been ready for some 'newness' for a while and I'm finally acting on it. A new look, a new direction, a new perspective. Considering all the newness of the past year, a new name seems fitting, in more ways than one.

I'm not completely satisfied with the title: "The Bricknells," except that it really is as simple as that. It's just me and Paul, day in and day out, serving together, doing life together, processing together. I don't think Paul will actually ever write a blog on here, but I'm sure I'll be sharing his thoughts and stories with you from my perspective. (He really is quite inspiring and deep, even with that unmistakable smirk of his.) I am the one who spends much more time "social-networking," anyway.

If you have any other suggestions for a blog title, I'm open!

More on Haiti

2010-01-14T10:28:00.000-08:00

A quote from www.ONE.org

"Disasters like this one are especially devastating when they strike places that are already struggling to provide the most basic of services for its population. With weak government and private sector institutions, and with uncertain security conditions, Haiti is the poorest, least developed country in the Western Hemisphere, and the majority of Haitians live in poverty. The sheer scale of poverty in the country means that the government has limited capacity to meet even the simplest needs of its people, let alone address a disaster of this magnitude. Haiti’s lack of development—which translates into a lack of government capacity for emergency preparedness—magnifies the impact of this tragedy. In addition to creating a very real and immediate humanitarian tragedy, this earthquake and the struggle to navigate its aftermath will be an enormous setback to the hard-won gains that Haiti has achieved in recent years in securing a more stable environment and fighting poverty."

I'm so sad for the people of Haiti. This is a country that has already suffered an innumerable amount of poverty-related injustices, and now to be setback even further.

Keep praying.

Australians in Haiti

2010-01-13T13:21:00.000-08:00

It is with much relief that I write this blog.

My dear friends Rachel (roommate and friend from college) and Joel (we went to the Philippines together and shared several of the same classes) Hoffman are SAFE in Haiti.

Rachel and Joel have been in Haiti since late August serving with the Mennonite Central Committee, which is a Christian relief agency. You can read about their honest struggles with poverty and language, as well as their joy among local Christians here.

As you may have heard, just days ago, Haiti suffered a catastrophic 7.0 magnitude earthquake. Rachel and Joel found safety in their doorway as their apartment building crumbled around them. They dug through the rubble for 12 hours in the dark. They dug for their survival. They have made it to the embassy where Joel is receiving stitches for a minor injury. The Hoffmans will be evacuated home to Oregon (The Dalles/Albany?) as soon as possible.

Tens of thousands of people have lost their homes, many of which were shacks. Haiti's instability has contributed to an extreme poverty level, now skyrocketing from the aftermath of the quake. Thousands have died.

Please pray for Rachel and Joel as they grieve over the loss of their home, friends and ministry in Haiti. Please pray that God's presence would be made known in the midst of suffering, loss, and brokenness. Pray for a safe trip home. Praise God for a miraculous escape and for sparing the lives of my special friends.

I am trying to put myself in their shoes.

To have survived a devastating earthquake,

to have lost their belongings,

to be separated from new-found friends,

to have had the next 3 years of their life dedicated to Haiti,

and now what?

The Holy Spirit grieves within me as I don't know what else to say or pray.

Something IS happening

2010-01-12T11:19:00.000-08:00

Since getting married, I find myself more preoccupied with money than ever before. Perhaps it's because I'm unemployed, paying more bills, combining bank accounts, tracking our expenditures, working with the homeless in San Francisco, and planning for/raising money for Thailand in August.

I came across Francis Chan's video blog (I'm reading "Crazy Love" as we speak) and was so moved by his comments on a video of his wife holding an abandoned, premature baby.

"Why is my life more valuable than this baby's? Someone asked me recently why I don't save money for emergencies, or retirement. My answer was how can I justify saving for myself "just in case" something happens to me when something IS happening to so many already. 29,000 kids will die today of preventable causes. If I'm to love my neighbor AS myself, why spend so much time worrying about me?"

And once again, I find myself living in tension.

San Francisco!

2009-12-26T20:40:00.000-08:00

Paul and I are off to San Francisco! We're taking 17 high school kids to serve with the Center for Student Missions.

We're leaving at 4am December 27th, which means up by 3am - some of the high school kids are pulling all nighters so they can sleep on the way down. Paul and I are opting to go to bed early (with the help of some benadryl and a few episodes of Lost) so we will be alert to drive.

While I do not have an exact itinerary, the following prayer calender will help with some prayer points along the way.

First big prayer request: safety! It's a long drive, and we have a few passes to go over... please pray the mountains would be snow and ice free!

We'll be back next year... on the second!

Morgan + DMV + Me

2009-11-19T13:12:00.000-08:00

The last two posts were incredibly timely considering what I found when I came home today. Paul and I were gone for maybe two hours this morning, and Morgan was waiting for me when I walked inside. She ate our mail. Not just any mail... the mail that contained my drivers license! Thankfully, the only piece of the mess that could be salvaged was my license itself. Had she caused a 7th trip to the DOL, she would be in the dog house. Literally.

Thanks, Morgan, for inspiring another blog post!

The DMV & Me

2009-11-18T14:31:00.000-08:00

The DMV and I got extremely familiar over the past couple of weeks. And, I found out that I've been calling it the wrong thing - in Washington, it's actually the Department of Licensing.

Before my first visit to the ODL, I checked their websites to see what was required for obtaining a Washington license/name change. Naturally, nothing was listed, so I called. 1-3 attempts: busy signal. 4th attempt: recording. We decided to risk it, so I brought what I thought I needed and Paul and I went anyway.

Thus continues the story of the DMV drearies:

Visit #1, Thursday: Picked out a "drivers license outfit", curled my hair, pulled a number, got called up the counter, displayed my Oregon license and marriage certificate and was told I needed more proof of identification.

*in between visits, we went to the bank to add me to Paul's account. We ended up opening a new checking account to earn a little interest, and our teller assured us Paul's debit card would still work and she didn't need to change anything.*

Visit #2, Saturday: Picked out a second "drivers license outfit", curled my hair, brought passport, marriage license, Oregon license, took a number, sat for a bit, and then realized we didn't have any cash or checks on us and they don't accept credit cards. (Who doesn't accept plastic these days?!) Went to our bank's drive-through ATM, and it wouldn't accept Paul's card. I didn't have mine yet, because it was being sent in the mail. Couldn't go back to the ODL.

Visit #3, Tuesday: Picked out third "drivers license outfit", curled my hair, brought passport, marriage license, Oregon license, and met Paul at the ODL. He had pulled out some cash earlier in the day before work, but had transferred vehicles to haul some stuff to the dump. We took a number, got called to the counter. "You have the cash, right?" I asked sarcastically, already frustrated that this was attempt numero tres. Paul checked his wallet. "Uhhhhhhh......" blank stare from me. "...It's in the other car." blank stare #2 from me. He apologized and laughed out of disbelief. I didn't think it was so funny and I'm sorry to say I didn't show him much grace in the moment.

Visit #4, Tuesday of the following week: I recycled my first "driver's license outfit", curled my hair, and Paul met me at the ODL. This time, we had cash, my passport, Oregon license, marriage license. Took a number, sat for about 10 minutes, then noticed a sign that read "Our computers are down, we apologize for the inconvenience." Some people behind us muttered some choice words about how long they'd been waiting. One lady stormed out the door. We decided to try it anyway. When our number was called, we approached the counter. Paul signed something to prove that I live at his address, and then he had to leave for a meeting. I stayed up at the counter while the nice ODL man typed reviewed my documents and attempted several times to type my information into the computer. When he got to my marriage license, he told me I didn't have the one that had been signed by the County Auditor and that I needed that before he could continue. He asked if I could come come back later that afternoon after I had obtained the correct copy. I took a deep breath and walked to my car, while realizing that Paul had left with our cash and I wouldn't have been able to pay, anyway. I called the county office and they confirmed that they had a signed copy of my marriage license on file, and that if I paid $3 they would give me a copy. I grabbed my checkbook, visited the county office, paid my dues, and went back to the ODL.

Visit #5, still Tuesday: I didn't bother to take a number, because the nice ODL man waved me right up to the counter. I showed him my passport, Oregon license, the correct copy of my marriage certificate, and my cash. He started typing again, and said with a sigh: "Can you come back Thursday? Our computers are still down and we're closed tomorrow for Veteran's Day." I had to laugh.

Visit #6, Friday: I recycled my 2nd "drivers license outfit", curled my hair, and Paul agreed to spend his day off with me on my 6th visit to the ODL, and it's a good thing he did, because the nice ODL man couldn't find the form he had previously signed, verifying my proof of residence. Paul signed. I displayed my passport, Oregon license, marriage license, and my cash. The nice ODL man typed. He took my cash. He typed some more, then asked me to take a seat. The camera lady called me up, I took a brief look in the mirror to fluff my curls, and flashed my pearly whites. Flash. Voila.

"You should receive your Washington License in the mail in a few weeks. Here is your temporary license to use in the meantime. Welcome to Washington!"

Hooray! They even punched a hole in my Oregon license and let me keep it.

So, here I am.

Elizabeth Caitlin Bricknell.

Born in Washington, married in Washington, living in Washington, driving in Washington.

Now it's time to change my Social Security card, passport, savings accounts, credit cards, school loans, etc. But, I think I'll wait a little bit and revel in my sweet, ODL victory!

Morgan & Me

2009-11-15T22:59:00.000-08:00

This post has been in the works for quite some time as Morgan, "our" big, friendly black lab/retriever mix keeps giving me things to write about. I'm sure you're familiar with the movie "Marley & Me" by now...

#1: The Futon. Upon arriving home from our honeymoon, I was initially very excited to see Morgan. She had really missed us! I gave her some love until Paul said "umm... El.... Morgan has been on your futon." I looked over and the futon, which is normally a mossy green color, was covered (and I mean covered) in black dog hair. It was so bad, in fact, that when I removed the futon cover from the futon, her hair had gone through the cover to the mattress itself. "Welcome home," I muttered.

#2: The Lip Gloss. Then, there was the time where Paul and I opened all our wedding gifts. We left a giant stack of gifts in our living room because we weren't quite sure where to put everything. Someone gave me a very thoughtful "wife gift" full of goodies including some yummy lip gloss. Apparently Morgan though it was yummy, too, because I found her smacking her lips. She had punctured a hole in the tube and was enjoying it a little too much.

#3: The Taco: I was sitting on the couch eating a homemade soft taco, when Paul came home for lunch. I got up to let him in the front door, leaving half of the uneaten taco on my plate on the coffee table. I fixed Paul his lunch and returned to the coffee table to finish eating mine while he ate his. Well, my taco had disappeared, and Morgan was just sitting there, looking at me.

#4: The Cookie. I made some chocolate chip cookies with our new Kitchen Aid and set them on the coffee table for our guests while we watched "The Office." Everyone was gathered around, so Morgan didn't dare steal any. Well, as soon as the last guest got up and stood by the front door, Morgan made a stab for the plate of cookies and had just gotten one in her mouth when we caught her.

#5: The Gas. I am thankful scents do not travel through the internet because Morgan has terrible gas problems and I think you might pass out. I was telling my parents that Morgan has a gas issue, and they said "oh, our dog does too." But I said "Dad, we can actually hear it when Morgan toots." to which my dad replied: "oh. uhhh.... " Exactly.

When Paul gets home from work, he'll often giver her a good rub. Sometimes he squeezes her belly a little too hard and ppffffffffffffff - Morgan farts.... LOUDLY. Louder and longer than any human being I have experienced. (If you haven't ever read "Walter, the Farting Dog" you really need to look it up at Border's or your nearest bookstore. It's a legit book in the kids section.) I am wrinkling my nose right now because "it" just happened while I'm writing this. We have begun slipping Beano in her food and are hoping this will improve.

#6. The Breath. Morgan smells bad from both ends which is unfortunate considering she's a mouth breather. Tonight, we left Morgan in the car for an extended period of time while we were visiting some friends. When we got back in the car, it smelled like dog breath and had to roll down the windows even though it was cold. We bought her some doggie toothpaste called "Kissable" and some breath freshening tablets. We both agree that her breath has improved and Paul is the token tooth brusher.

#7. The Slobber. Sometimes, I'll look over at Morgan, and slobber will ooze out of her mouth and drop onto the floor. Tonight, she made her way into the front seat of the car while we were running an errand (buying her dog food, actually) and when I got in the driver's seat, and put my hands on the wheel, I immediately said "Ew. This is covered in slobber." Gross.

#8: Obeying. Morgan doesn't listen to me the way she listens to Paul. When I tell her it's time to go outside, she goes the opposite way and crawls under the table. Sometimes I take advantage of this when I want her to stop breathing in my face. Paul thinks it's mean; I think it's great that she stopped breathing on me.

I'm sure there will be a "Morgan & Me: Part 2" in the future, but that's all I can think of for now. She really is a nice dog and aside from her quirks, a great companion. At least she keeps us laughing, and she's stopped drinking out of the toilet!

Here are the 2 of us with "Stinky" in July 2008.

Taco Soup & Peanut Butter Cookie recipe

2009-11-02T10:41:00.000-08:00

I cooked up a feast last week for our "San Francisco planning meeting" and the soup and cookies were a hit!

Crockpot Taco Soup:

Place the following ingredients in a crockpot, in this order:

1 lb ground beef, browned and drained

1 packet taco seasoning

1 packet ranch dressing mix

1 large can diced tomatoes (entire contents)

1 can diced tomatoes w/ green chiles (entire contents)

2 cans corn (entire contents)

2 cans kidney beans, rinsed and drained

2 cans black beans, rinsed and drained

Stir together, and simmer on high for 8-10 hours or on low for 4-5 hours. Serve with shredded cheese and tortilla chips.

* I stretched the recipe by doubling the meat, adding another packet of seasoning, and some water.

Double Delight Peanut Butter Cookies:

This recipe is worth a million bucks! The lady who invented it won 1 million dollars in the Pillsbury Recipe Bake-Off contest. They have a cream peanut butter center and are soooo tasty!

Mix together in small bowl:

1/4 cup dry-roasted peanuts, finely chopped

1/4 cup granulated sugar

1/2 tsp. ground cinnamon

Set aside.

In a separate bowl, blend:

1/2 cup creamy peanut butter

1/2 cup powdered sugar

Form mixture into 24 balls, about 1-inch in diameter.

Slice 1 roll (16.5 oz) of Pillsbury refrigerated peanut butter cookie dough into 12 circles. Cut each circle in 1/2 to make 24 cookie dough pieces. Flatten slightly. Shape 1 cookie dough piece around 1 peanut butter ball, covering completely. Repeat with remaining dough and balls. Roll each covered ball in peanut/sugar mixture; gently pat mixture completely onto balls. On ungreased, large cookie sheets, place balls 2 inches apart. Spray bottom of drinking glass with non-stick spray; press into remaining peanut mixture and then flatten each ball to 1/2-inch thickness with bottom of glass. Sprinkle remaining peanut mixture evenly on tops of cookies, gently press into dough.

Bake 7-10 minutes or until edges are golden brown. Cool 1 minute; remove from cookie sheets to cooling racks.

* I couldn't find refrigerated peanut butter cookie dough, so I used sugar cookie dough instead and it was great!

Pastor Appreciation

2009-10-27T13:53:00.000-07:00

I am so touched by my new church family at Calvary Community. October was Pastor Appreciation Month and Paul received so many notes with these kind words:

Paul & Elizabeth: You are in this together now!
The youth group flourishes under your direction. We praise God for your love of Him and for your service to our youth.
What a blessing you are to us. It means so much to me that you asked me to be your prayer warrior. What an asset you are to our church. I'm so happy God sent you your lovely wife and parter, Elizabeth. What a team.
Thank you for all the hours and dedication you give and we never see. What we do see is the outcome. Blessings because of you...
I have never been in the youth group but can see how the young people love you - and how you love them. I'm impressed when hearing all the special events and trips that you have planned and done. God bless you both with his finest rewards.
Thanks Paul' the fruits that are in this church are the sweet rewards of the seeds you have sowed. The youth group has grown under your leadership. Good job!
We appreciate your service to our church family. Your message is very touching when you speak. We pray for many more years of ministry to touch many young people!
We feel so blessed to have you as our Youth Pastor. Your energy and dedication is having a tremendous impact. God knows your talents and He has placed you where you are needed the most.
The youth are the foundation for the growth of the congregation. We see how you and your dedication are "putting the blocks all in the right places."
You are amazing with the youth! A blessing from the Lord to this church family! May the Lord continue to bless you and your new wife!
God is doing a great work in you.
We feel the work you do with the church young people is outstanding. Thank you for all your efforts and hours put in.

I couldn't help but sniffle and wipe away tears today as I sat next to Paul while he read his cards. I wrapped my arms around Paul and said a silent prayer of thanks for my husband. "Lord, you have blessed me with a tremendous Man of God. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you."

Yes, those are cashews in his nostrils. Can you tell he's a youth pastor?

Speaking of throwing up...

2009-10-27T13:34:00.000-07:00

The title of this post sounds gruesome, because our weekend with middle schoolers was just that! Within 2 hours of being at Eagle Fern, we called two parents because their girls were puking. The next morning, we sent another boy home, and the same afternoon, called another mom. This poor guy vomited from his unfortunate perch on the 3rd bunk, which did make it's way to the floor. Yum. These poor kids! Being sick away from home...

I heard yesterday that at least 4 more more kids from the retreat weren't in school yesterday because they were "you-know-what-ing" as well.

Paul and I were definitely exposed this weekend, and are thankful for our good health so far, but are bracing ourselves for the worst!

The wedding weekend! (and then I threw up)

2009-10-13T14:48:00.000-07:00

The events leading up to September 19th were all together lovely. My parents made the 5-hour trip on the Sunday before the wedding, so they got to be at the church potluck, meet Paul's parents, and get a feel for where I had been spending a lot of time, and would soon be living.

A few of us visited a sweet lady's backyard where we handpicked buckets full of dahlias. We're talking vibrant, gorgeous blooms which decorated the church. I was able to call on my middle school 4H years where I learned some tips on flower arranging, so we put the flowers together

ourselves. Our theme was to "bring the outside in", which we certainly did! I wanted it to feel like I was getting married outside, so we decorated the stage and aisle with hanging flower jars, pots of chrysanthemums, and live bushes and trees.

My girlfriends treated me to Urban Fondue in downtown Portland on Thursday evening where we dipped chunks of fresh fruit, cookie dough, cream puffs, and cheescake in pots of swirled chocolate, peanut butter, and berry sauces. Delicious!

A wonderful end to the evening was picking Chrislyn up from PDX and returning to Longview with my closest, dearest friends.

Friday morning began with Starbucks and pedicures, a delightful combination which should not only be reserved for wedding days, but rather repeated regularly with good company!

The rehearsal went smoothly and the dinner was held at a family friend's home of the Bricknell's. The back deck was adorned with Christmas lights and we ate a fabulous meal of pulled-pork sandwiches.

Paul and I finished up some last minute details at the church, and I was surprisingly in bed by my target bedtime of midnight. Unfortunately, however, I could not sleep. I was not stressed out, and yet I still spent the entire night envisioning how the big day would go down in history. I must have dozed off at 6am, because an hour later, my bridesmaids woke me up to a rendition of "Going to the chapel."

I was feeling great all through the hair, makeup, and pre-ceremony pictures.

The bouquets turned out beautifully, the 700 (no joke) cupcakes were a huge hit, the bridal party was incredible, the 500 chicken & beef kabobs (again, no joke) hit the grills at the perfect time, etc.

Before the ceremony, enjoying the moments to sit down.

The best bridesmaids EVER! They are even talking about having a bridesmaid reunion. :)

Me with Momma Bricknell

Paul and I with my grandparents who just celebrated 65 YEARS OF MARRIAGE!

Paul led me through communion

We may have danced down the aisle after the ceremony... and Chris may have put on aviators and done some Michael Jackson "Thriller" moves... and the rest of the bridal party busted their moves, too!

Sister, Me, Momma Seybold - notice the *slight* resemblance

So, the only hiccups, err, throw-ups, if you will, were just that. I threw up right before the following picture was taken:

I was mid-conversation with a guest (sorry, Anders), and started to feel nauseous. I turned to Kirsten and mouthed "I'm going to throw up." She graciously escorted me to the bridal room and held my dress out of the way as I leaned over the toilet.

After wiping my face, I stood up and said "I can't believe I just barfed in my wedding dress!" Paul came in shortly thereafter, and as the girls were commenting on how I was still looking beautiful despite my sudden illness, I turned to Paul and sarcastically remarked "Oh, I always look this good!"

Poor guy got a lesson in nurturing after we'd been married only half and hour!

Paul and I made it through pictures at the lake and then arrived at the "after party". I, after greeting a few people upon our arrival, bee-lined it for the bathroom where I had a second episode.

Next thing I knew, Paul and I had our first dance and I came back to the table to find that my shawl had been discreetly wrapped around a bottle of Pepto. On someone's camera there are pictures of me chugging the pink stuff, just in time for the cake cutting!

The DJ made the announcement that it was time to cut the cake, and then I think I turned green. I gave Paul a look that said "I can't do this right now" and turned around just as someone came over with a giant trash can. One of the girls took it and, thanks to a very conveniently and ordained opening in the trees behind the bride and groom's table, I was able to do my business again...and a fourth time, and finally a fifth time. Yuck.

Thankfully, when looking at the pictures and video, you can't tell I was sick. The memory, however, is still ingrained in my head and I've had a bit of grieving over the sickness because I had to miss out on hitting the dance floor, talking to people, and eating the food, all of which I was really looking forward to.

I did, however, make it through the "Sisters" routine with my sister, which was a huge hit!

It is still a mystery why I got sick that day. I woke up stress-free and was feeling GREAT up until the ceremony. I think it was a freakish bug mixed with the events of the most wonderful day of my life.

I am grateful for Paul's wise words when planning our honeymoon. "El, I really think we should wait a few days before we spend a long time on a flight. Let's take a few days to unwind."

Due to the couple of low-key days post-wedding, I was feeling 100% by the time our flight rolled around! Honeymoon stories to come. :)

I'm back! And leaving again...

2009-10-09T13:01:00.000-07:00

I had wonderful intentions of finally getting caught up on blog entries this morning, and then the morning got away from me.

I watered the plants, got things ready for our dog-sitter, did the dishes, made rice krispy treats, packed, took care of some mail, and now I'm off to a thrift store to buy an outfit for the dance party Saturday night. The theme is "old people." I'll be sure to post pictures. :)

Just as I was rejoicing about unpacking my last suitcase and never having to live out of one again, (for a while, at least) I begrudgingly pulled out a duffel bag and packed for this weekend. Paul and I are going on a retreat to the Dunes Bible Camp in Long Beach, WA for a high school retreat. I am definitely looking forward to connecting more in depth with some of the girls in my small group. I am not looking forward to sleeping alone (if you know what I mean) and wearing wrinkly clothes out of my duffel.

Some snippets of what is to come in the next blog entries:

Throwing up in my wedding dress
Honeymoon to St. Martin
...and how I'm bonding with Morgan, our dog, despite the taco, chapstick and chocolate chip cookie that she's eaten.

Free to Change the World

2009-09-02T16:43:00.001-07:00

I'm fighting back tears.

I've been sitting at the Intermission Cafe (the coffee shop that is only a few blocks from my 'almost'-house, that serves Big Train coffee just like Chapter's) all day long.

Without any warning, I'm tearing up listening to a song by Casey Darnell. It reminds me of my friend Nicole who introduced it to me, and our desire to see change, and our love for the lost, the poor, the broken.

I'm trying to find a way to incorporate my love for missions into my wedding. It's just so.... me.

I'm also feeling a little overwhelmed - not by all the wedding details, but by the fact that I'm getting married in 17 days. I feel as though my life has already changed drastically, just by meeting Paul, and so I don't anticipate life being that much different than it is now, except that we'll be living together.

I think it's the other stuff - like not living out of a suitcase or car or garage anymore. Changing my name. Becoming a Pastor's wife. Oh, wow.

I'm thrilled, don't get me wrong.

Just a little emotional. :)

"Cheese" Cake

2009-09-01T14:57:00.000-07:00

While doing a google search for wedding cake ideas, I came across this delight:

The layers are different types of artisan cheeses.

Now that is a cheesecake in the most literal form!

A Weakness

2009-08-28T23:25:00.001-07:00

I have recently put words to one of my weaknesses, or "opportunities for growth" (as a wise mentor used to say):

Indecisiveness.

It's an ugly word, especially when wedding planning.

I'm not there

2009-08-13T09:04:00.001-07:00

RA Training started yesterday, and I'm not there

Facebook albums of this year's Res Lifers are already surfacing

and I ache a little bit.

It's hard not to be there and it's easy to think something is wrong with this picture...

Crazy in Love

2009-08-04T11:48:00.000-07:00

When Paul asked me to marry him two months ago (to the day), my "YES!" was said without any reservations. June 5th was the first time we shared "I Love You" and I am so glad we waited. I remember telling Paul that I hoped sharing "I love yous" with one another would always feel that good. He assured me it would just get better, but I think I was a little skeptical.

How could it possibly get better than this?!

One of our prayers when we first started dating was that love wouldn't be awakened until it so desired (Song of Solomon 2:7). My NIV study note says "love is not to be artifically stimulated;

utter spontaneity is essential to its genuine truth and beauty." Let me tell you, our love has been awakened. :)

And it's beautiful.

Because our love was based around a commitment to spend the rest of our lives together, it has grown immensly and I am so much more in love now than I was when he popped the question. I honestly didn't know I could feel this way about anyone and I don't think I've ever understood love in this light before.

When I was in Chile, I had committed to writing a letter to Paul each evening. Although I had hoped Paul would do the same, I didn't mention it. When I was able to check my email for the first time, I had a few emails waiting for me. Paul had written out our "would-be-phone-conversations" and sent them each day. The first night I was gone, he felt like the Lord asked him to commit to me in a new way. Instead of relaxing in front of the tv, he typed pages to me

about his daily adventures and thoughts, exploring new ways to learn how to love me better. It

was so special to read my letters aloud to him upon my return.

Since we've been in the same place (give or take a week here and there), Paul and I have enjoyed serving one another, finding pleasure in making the other person happy. Cooking dinner, doing dishes, offering to let the dog out when we're in the middle of watching a movie, etc. There are not adequate words to describe how it feels to GET to do these small things for him.

And the things he does for me... WOW.

The last night at camp, Paul came to my cabin and woke me up at 1am, took my hand, and led me to the dining hall where we got out choclate dip and strawberries - a delicacy anywhere, and especially after exhausting days of being dust-covered and sleep-deprived.

Paul pulled me up on stage twice in front of 300+ people and encouraged the campers to wait for the right one. Tears welled in his eyes as he told them about me.

This man loves me, honors me, and esteems me. I am so humbled...

As we drove home from camp together, we finally got a chance to debrief the conversations we had with campers. He told me had led a camper to Christ a few hours prior, right before he got on the bus to go home. I grabbed his hand and turned to him, saying "I did too!" With windows down and Hillsong playing in the cd player, we sat in silence for a few minutes, laughing and delighting in our perfect match and the way God has already chosen to use us as a team to

further His kingdom. It was our goal from the beginning to disciple people together, and we're evangelizing, too. And we're not even married, yet!

Last week, as we were pulling out of the church parking lot after a meeting with our wedding coordinator, we ended up at the Guler's home because he had a surprise for me. Remembering my dream to someday ride in a convertible, Paul had arranged to borrow their 40 year-old shiny red Datsun and chauffered me around the lake and through the hills of Longview. It was a hot summer evening and we cranked the tunes and rode around carefree.

I melted.

He often looks at me and says "I am so lucky." We both know it's a testament of God's faithfulness and our patience to hold out for each other.

As September 19th draws nearer, and the harder it is to leave each other each night (or for a week here and there) we are mindful that love is patient. :)

I am in awe of Paul's passion for Christ and people.

I am so moved by his thoughtfulness and creativity.

I am so crazy in love!

View our wedding website: www.ElizabethPlusPaul.com

Photos courtesy of Jordan & Lianne Philips

Next Month

2009-08-04T11:31:00.000-07:00

I'm getting married NEXT MONTH!

45 days to be exact.

I was supposed to help out at Kids Camp this week, but I'm practicing the art of saying "no" and so I stayed home instead.

(Home: the house I'm staying in until I get married, but really living out of my car, the garage, and my suitcase. Only 45 more days of this!)

Thankfully, my decision to stay home has brought on some immense feelings of discipline and motivation.

For example, I've been saying for a month that I want to go jogging around the lake, and that I want to spend this 'preparation before marriage' buried in the word so I can have the Armor of God on in the midst of trying times. Have I done either of these things?

No.

Until yesterday, that is.

I'm on day two of a successful jog around the lake as well as spending time in the Word. The lake is only 2 1/2 blocks away from my soon-to-be-house, and it's my job this week to take care of Morgan while Paul is at camp. Right now, I'm showing Morgan who is boss by making her run with me - I literaly have to pull her along because she can't keep up (and I assure you, I'm not fast). This dog needs more exercise! I have also been warned that Morgan may eat my stuff and my mail - one of Paul's former roommates lost a phone charger to her mouth, and she tends to eat Paul's mail if she has been deprived of attention for too long. When I first moved up here, I also had a good-sized mark on my hand from where her mouth latched on while she was playing. Ohhhh Morgan. We have a lot to work on! :)

My push for digging in to the Bible has come from several wise women who have warned me that the time leading up to the wedding has potential to be quite difficult and trying. "The enemy still wants a foothold," they admonish me. It's true. I've felt up and down and easily overwhelmed, which isn't me. I LOVE planning things like this, but it's certainly more difficult than I thought it would be and it's taking a toll on my energy level. I want to enjoy this process!

Today I am working on invitations, getting pre-marital counseling arranged, tightening up our registry page, and thinking about a zillion other things.

After all, I'm getting married NEXT MONTH! :)

The BIG Move

2009-07-09T13:33:00.000-07:00

My life has changed drastically in the last few weeks, and it's time to blog about it!

Unfortunately, my natural inclination to blog about my daily activities and happenings has been put on the back burner. I noticed that even in my final semester at NCU, I wasn't frequenting coffee shops as much, which is where I would normally zone out, read, journal, listen to music, and blog. I attribute most of it to the fact that I've been sharing my most intimate and immediate thoughts with Paul, and then don't feel as much of a need to write, since I've already processed through things with him.

The changes in the last few weeks, however, have required some serious need for reflection and additional processing. I'm hoping to get back into the habit of blogging once again and adding this back into my routine. I have already staked out a coffee shop within walking distance to the house with wi-fi, excellent atmosphere, and even opportunities to display art, should I feel so inspired.

So, where do I even begin?

Since my last post, I've officially quit my job and moved to Washington, and now I'm planning a wedding full-time and living out of 2 suitcases.

The morning I moved, I went out to my car and found that it had been TPed! I was actually flattered that someone had 'pranked' my car because no one had ever touched my things for the 2 years I had been at Northwest Christian. It was much welcomed, and I got a great laugh out of it. On my windshield are the words: "Bye E". (Thanks, Mike!)

Here I am with Kirsten on my last day in Eugene - this was before the tears and the painful goodbye. :(

Paul and I - sitting on the front steps of NCU after loading up the trailer. I was having a "sentimental moment" thinking about all the conversations I had in my tiny apartment, and locking the door behind me. It was emotional and exhausting, but I held it together pretty well...until I tried to put some things away at the house (trying not to call it "his" house anymore). I opened one cupboard and it was full. Opened another cupboard and it was full. Then I gave up, his mom came over, she hugged me, and then thI cried!

Here is the trailer with everything I own packed neatly inside:

Everything I own is now in the garage rather than in the trailer. (It's neatly stacked on the left)

My plants are taking over the house and it looks like a jungle inside! There are seven by the sink, and at least 5 in other places around the house. One of Paul's friends immediately commented "Dude! Your house has been feminized! I like it!" I think that's a compliment?!

As I write this, I'm in Grants Pass at a coffee shop, where I expect I'll be tomorrow, too. It is good to sit here with my mega to-do list and try to tackle some things like:

Figuring out where I'll get my dress altered in Longview
Completing the Save-the-Date cards and compiling addresses
Getting health insurance
Changing cell phone carriers
Deciding how to continue registering with Paul, who is 300 miles away
Trying to answer wedding-related questions that I don't have answers to, yet
Trying my absolute hardest to find beautiful dresses for my beautiful bridesmaids that don't scream "bridesmaid dress"
Answering the question "so why on earth did you choose September?! That's so soon!"

I am enjoying this season of my life being a fiance, and I am certainly getting ready to marry Paul. The Lord continues to affirm the timing and my new location. I have been warmly welcomed with a "Welcome to El-Town" party (Longview is referred to as L-Town, so it's only appropriate that I live there now), and so many relieved conversations with Paul.

I can't even begin to describe how wonderful it is to live in the same town and have face-to-face conversations instead of over the phone.

Goodbye, telephone boyfriend.
Hello, same-city fiance!

The Proposal

2009-06-08T21:09:00.000-07:00

The Proposal, June 5, 2009

At 10:30am, this beautiful bouquet of flowers was delivered to my office with a note that read "Looking forward to the rest of our lives. -You know who"

At noon-ish, I met Paul for lunch in my apartment and we made sandwiches. He was expecting me to come home for lunch saying that my boss had excused me for the afternoon. Well, my boss never got the message, so I never got the message, and I went back to work!

Poor Paul was ready to propose and I went back to the office.

I finally came home around 4ish, and Paul told me he wanted to take me to Owen Park, which I recognized as the Rose Garden. After a little delaying on my part (I was trying to figure out if this was it or not!), we walked outside to my car. I figured he wouldn't make me drive to my own proposal, so I was really thrown off at this point.

We wandered through the maze of roses, and ended up inside a gazebo where a basket full of goodies was neatly displayed.

The card inside conveniently had my name on it, that said:
"Elizabeth, I've been waiting and praying a long time to say these words to you. I love you." This was the first time he had expressed his love for me.

I read the card over and over again and said "This is it!" out loud. I knew that when Paul told me he loved me, there would be commitment behind it. I gave Paul a huge hug, and I could hear and feel his heart beating abnormally fast. It really was beating INCREDIBLY fast!

He had to gently nudge me back so I'd let go of the bear hug so he could get down on one knee. He told me again that he loved me and then asked if I'd marry him.

Of course I said "YES!"

We sat on a bench outside of the gazebo and shared a glass of wine, cheese & crackers, and stories of the last few months and how we both knew "this was it."

As we were sitting on the bench, a live band had moved into the gazebo behind us and started singing love songs! I recognized them as well-known artists in Eugene because they had led worship at my church a few times. Another surprising detail of a very special day!

This is our first photo together as an engaged couple:

****
Because Paul thought I was getting the afternoon off, he had placed the basket in the gazebo 5 hours prior. He met a woman in the rose garden who was wearing a cross necklace and gave him the "I'm a Christian" look. He approached her, found out that she was, indeed, a Christian, and asked her to pray a prayer of protection over the things he was leaving in the gazebo since he wasn't sure when he'd be back to the garden with me. The lady expressed some concern over the unattended items because a lot of transients wander through the park. Then they prayed together! This is where he met the Christian lady:

Later that evening, we attended a Hawaiian themed dinner at Kirsten's house (pre-arranged plans) and we decided to show up wearing matching Hawaiian shirts and be "thaaat couple." It was a fun way to celebrate with friends and be goofy.

*****

I accompanied Paul to Longview Saturday evening so I could be at church Sunday morning when he preached. He gave an amazing sermon based on Proverbs 16 -- man plans his course but the Lord determines his steps. To close the service, Paul talked about how this verse has meant a lot to him ... and how he had been in Eugene for the weekend and had asked me to marry him. At that point, he called me up on stage (in front of a few hundred people) and people cheered and clapped and screamed. Several people even cried out of utter joy!!! They commented to us over and over again how happy they are for us, and how they'd been praying for Paul for 6 years, ever since he started pastoring at the church. I was warmly welcomed into the church family and several people even told me they knew I was 'the one' when they met me at camp last July - before Paul and I even started dating!

It was a very special moment to share with his church, especially since I'll be relocating to Longview once we're married... in about 3 months! :)

My beautiful engagement ring:

My handsome fiance: :)

a funky week

2009-04-13T22:42:00.000-07:00

Things are better now, but a few weeks ago, things felt funky/off/different/whatever you want to call it.

I first felt it on a Sunday night and dreaded going to work the next morning.
Sure enough, Monday morning felt like a Monday. And so did Tuesday. And Wednesday. And each subsequent day.

I didn't feel like myself. I lacked motivation and discipline. My job didn't excite me. My one on ones felt dull and lifeless. I ran out of questions to ask and things to talk about. The ones that usually run long ran 1/2 hour short. My mom even commented on my lack of drive as 'abnormal' so I knew it wasn't just me or a bad day.

Paul encouraged me to seek the Lord and reflect on what was making my days so difficult.

And so I cried out. And literally cried.
I realized I wasn't feeling fulfilled. I felt stuck, purposeless, and just. plain. tired. I thought of Bolivia - a place where I experienced similar emotions halfway through my time there, and yet I was absolutely convinced I was exactly where God wanted me to be. Right smack dab in the middle of His will for my life.

I know I've written about that feeling before - the longing to experience that certainty again. In the here and now. In the mundane, day in/day out, routine of it all. The present.

An RA shared a quote with me last week.. "today is a gift which is why it's considered the present" or something like that. I've been missing the gift of today.

I am thankful for good friends and good writers who blog more frequently than I and consequently give me something good to read when I am fresh out of words myself. Peter & Beth Smart's simple blog, Organic Fruit, reminded me that to practice the presence of God is enough (thank you, Brother Lawrence, too. His book is next on my "to read" list). Nothing matters as much as this.

And so, I am trying to practice the presence of God... in the present.
While still dreaming about the future and wondering about the past... and seeking answers for all the looming question marks about my near future.

Catching Up

2009-04-12T21:17:00.000-07:00

I've almost written a few posts in the last two weeks. I log in several times a week, open a "new post" window, and then somewhere along the way, get distracted and don't end up writing a thing. It is time to catch up!

Life continues to be full. A few student concerns have heightened my awareness of campus activity and emotional stressers. One girl was recently diagnosed with Epilepsy and continues to have multiple seizures in the dorm. Another fell out of bed last night due to a nightmare and broke her arm. Two weeks ago, our campus went on "lock down" and the police showed up with sniper rifles and requested roof access because a former student showed up who had been deemed as 'dangerous.' Yikes.

On a more positive note...

We're at 4 weeks and counting, which means I've almost finished my second school year here at NCU. Tomorrow night, we're having a fondue night for all of next year's student leaders as a way to induct them into their new leadership positions. I hired a dynamo staff of 6, including a Senior RA, which will take on some additional responsibilities. This year's group appropriately named themselves the "Dream Team", and, like any group of stellar people, it will be different to move on and let this year be... this year. I rehired 3 RAs (the other 4 are either getting married or graduating) which speaks volumes about their capacity to do their job well. Way to go, Team!

4 weeks and counting... as with any month that starts with the letter "A", the storm is a brewin.' The winds are starting to pick up this week - with a CPR/First Aid training course and intramurals this evening, the fondue night tomorrow, followed by a Chile Team meeting, etc. I am savoring the placid waters this week, in spite of my evening commitments. Check out/Dead Week/Finals week/and my departure for Chile are quickly approaching and there is no looking back.

We received our plane tickets to Chile today. Unfortunately, do the economy, fundraising has been much slower than in years prior and we still have about $9,000 to raise by the time we depart on May 13th - exactly one month from today. We are continuing to believe God has a purpose for each person on our team and He has provided in the past.

On Saturday, our campus is sponsoring a Homeless Outreach event called the "Touch Project" to touch the people of Eugene. We are excited to offer haircuts, foot washing, clothes, a beautification station, and a big BBQ. A couple students are heading this up and our campus is getting on board. This is going to be awesome!

Yes, life is full, and yes, life is good.
Somehow, everything gets accomplished and I know we'll make it to the summer.
Well, for me, it's 4 weeks till Chile, then summer.

6 1/2 weeks... :)

All Nighter

2009-03-26T06:35:00.000-07:00

It is 6:35am and no, I'm not getting UP, I'm going to bed. Finally.
I haven't stayed up all night since college, and I have vowed (many times) never to do it again.

I was called at 1AM to accompany a student to the hospital, and I've been there ever since. Thankfully, she checked out ok, but I made the executive decision to take her, and although my body isn't too happy with me right now, I'm glad we went to the ER. I've been concerned about her health for quite some time and what I witnessed this evening left no room for negotiating! I'm pretty sure I even said "I'm making the executive decision. Let's go."

In a way, it feels strangely normal to be the decision-maker for such serious situations. I think it's because I'm in my groove, in my element, I've found my niche, I've upped my game... whatever you want to call it. There is a sense of "I know what I'm doing" and it feels great. :)

I sure haven't blogged lately. Sure, I think about blogging. Quite often, actually. I definitely have lots of everyday stories to share and heartaches to bear.

I'm blaming my blogging hiatus on the big questions I'm asking and the grand answers I'm seeking. Perhaps I'm still in the 'verbal processing and thinking stage', so blog posts haven't quite been formulated from my thoughts, yet.

Maybe I'll bust out a string of posts sometime soon.
Stay tuned!

Oh, and this was officially my last all-nighter... until next time!

Good night... or good morning... I'm finally going to bed!

NCU Butterfly Kisses

2009-03-09T22:31:00.000-07:00

On Friday night, Residence Life sponsored the Hall Music Video Awards Night. For the past month or so, each residence hall has been filming and editing a music video for this awards screening. Residents could choose any song they wanted to and come up with their own music video.

They got extra points for involoving staff, faculty, and commuter students. They also got bonus points if their hall relic (gnome, framed 1970s picture of Jesus, a road sign, etc.) made an appearance, or if they stole a different hall's relic and incorporated it into their video.

It was a "Grammy's" style theme, so everyone came dressed to impress. I was the host and we had 8 judges.

This was the winning video, put together by the second floor of the apartments. Beware - if the song "Butterfly Kisses" has sentimental value to you, this video might taint this song from here on out.

These are the incredibly talented, hilarious students I get to see everyday!

Did you find me in the wedding scene?

Valentine's Day '09

2009-02-22T22:51:00.000-08:00

Even at a retreat with 50 kids, we found a few quiet moments to spend together on February 14th. Our first Valentine's Day together!

Chapel Message from Feb. 6th

2009-02-22T21:56:00.000-08:00

A few weeks ago, I had the privilege of sharing in chapel again, for the third time.

I challenged our students to share their secrets and become children of the light (Ephesians 4.) I keep coming back to the concept of freedom, knowing that many students have junk they are hiding in the dark.

I've recently been intrigued by PostSecret and the man behind it all: Frank Warren. He's become known as the "most trusted stranger in America." Basically, Frank had an idea for a community art project which has now turned into a worldwide phenomenon of telling secrets. He left 3000 blank postcards in public places with these simple instructions: "reveal anything, as long as it is true, and send to to me."

The art project is long over, yet Frank continues to receive 1000 postcards per week. In addition to publishing several volumes of postcards (available at most bookstores), he has created an online community where he publishes 20 new secrets every Sunday. Many of the proceeds from Frank's work go toward the Suicide Prevention hotline.

Why is this secret phenomenon so intriguing? Why have over 1 million people visited the website? Why do so many people send this stranger their secrets?

Relief. Freedom. Healing. To not feel so alone. Community. Love. Forgiveness. Relief.

This whole concept is Biblical.

Proverbs 28:13 says "He who conceals his sins does not prosper, but whoever confesses and renounces them finds mercy."

John 3:19-21 Light has come into the world but men loved darkness instead of light because their deeds were evil. Everyone who does evil hates the light, and will not come into the light for fear that his deeds will be exposed. But whoever lives by the Truth will come into the light so that it may be seen plainly that what he has done has been done through God.

Healing happens when we confess. James 5 says "Therefore, confess your sins to each other any pray for each other so that you may be healed."

I challenged our campus to participate in our own version of Frank's project: Campus Secret.

The message was way better received than I had anticipated. The response is heartbreaking and leaves me... speechless. My RA staff has been so affected by this project, too. During our staff meeting, I read each postcard aloud and laid them on my carpet. We sat in silence, feeling the pain, courage, and bondage behind each one.

Feelings of inadequacies have arisen: "How do we even begin to deal with such hurt?"
"I don't feel like I have anything to offer."
"These secrets are so huge."
"My problems seem so insignificant. I'm getting the bigger picture."
"For being such a small campus, I really thought we knew each other. I was wrong."

For me, I'm in awe of how big God is. Only God can handle all these secrets. Praise God.

The timing of all this has been incredible, too, and none of it was planned. Though this topic has been on my heart for several months, it "just so happened" to fall into a campus-wide concept of repentance and forgiveness. Our display was brought to an end with 15 straight hours of prayer, where at least 10-15 students signed up for at least one hour each. Our campus pastor even shared a heartbreaking piece of his testimony in chapel that has opened up another door for vulnerability, trust, and respect.

It's so humbling and lots of things are left undone. Many need counseling. They need help climbing out of the pit. They need someone to listen, to love them, to sit by them. I know about unwanted pregnancies, deaths in families, sickness, financial hardships, hospital visits, broken hearts, etc.

I devoted the proceeding blogs to sharing more about the Campus Secret project.
I encourage you to follow the steps (as outlined in the post) and take a virtual tour of our exhibit.

May you, too, experience grace and wholeness as you journey into freedom with our Healer.

Press Release

2009-02-22T21:43:00.000-08:00

Students Collaborate For Campus Secret Art Project

EUGENE, Ore. — Students from the NCU campus have joined together to share a secret: they are not alone. Inspired by the Post Secret Campaign begun in January 2004, when 3,000 postcards were distributed for people to share their secrets anonymously, students at Northwest Christian University have also taken 126 postcards—some blank, some with designs, others with pictures and personal drawings—and are sharing their anonymous cards as a reminder of the need for living wholly without unhealthy secrets.

Elizabeth Seybold, Area Residence Coordinator at NCU, shared the vision for Campus Secret is “to provide more awareness for what students are carrying around campus.” Within the element of confession and repentance, she hopes that “people are experiencing freedom from sharing these things on their heart” in a Biblical sense.

As this is the first time Campus Secret has been held on this campus, many are questioning the authenticity of these secrets. Seybold responded “While I don’t know if all of them are true, I think there is truth behind all of them…But I’m treating them, like they are true, as this was the intent of the project.”

These postcards range from zany, funny, and strange to heart-wrenching confessions with images of teardrops. The most common secret shared is the feeling of being alone and unnoticed in the midst of such a small campus. Along with this posting, people have left anonymous responses: “You are not alone” and “You are loved.”

“I didn’t know this project was going to be so big,” Seybold commented. “I’ve been really, really impressed with the response and that people took it seriously.” Seybold hopes, along with many other faculty and staff members that this project will bring about a time of healing and communal bonding. As Seybold shares, quoting the Jewish philosopher Philo of Alexandria, “Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a great battle.”

Campus Secret

2009-02-22T20:44:00.000-08:00

Instructions for submitting secrets:

The secret dropbox:

A description of the Campus Secret project:

Steps for viewing the Campus Secret display:

The display in the chapel lobby:

Our campus' secrets:

"I think Jesus died for everyone else and I deserve to die and suffer in hell."

"You guys helped me not kill myself."
"I'm so ready to love, but fear is holding me back."

"I judge people who remind me of myself"

"My heart aches to be more important than your work. -daughter."

Almost every story I've told is fabricated since they weren't good enough. Now I don't know if I remember what really happened.

"I hate that the "beauty" on the outside keeps you from seeing what's REAL on the inside."

Visitors were encouraged to share their initial comments/reactions/responses on the paper provided. This is what some of them wrote:

"I'm sorry."
"We are all so much alike but so afraid to admit it."
"I just pray God uses this to heal the brokenhearted and bring freedom to this campus."

More responses:

"I don't care what you've done. I love you." "Prove it."

"Lord, please show each person both you are there and let them see they are not alone." "Hebrews 6:19 We have this HOPE as an anchor for the soul, firm and secure."

"God knew our secrets before the postcard. Don't fear His forgiveness. It is painful, but it works. I know from experience. 1 John 1:9 Romans 8:38"

"Faith. Is not just for the scared ones."

Displayed under the comment section:

The display, part 1:

The display, part 2:

Thoughts?

Campus Secret follow-up

2009-02-22T20:25:00.000-08:00

I was recently interviewed by the school newspaper about Campus Secret, and this is how I responded:

Frank Warren, the creator of Post Secret started this concept with an idea for a community art project and now travels around the U.S. to talk about the secrets he's collected. I wanted to do our own “Campus Secret” based on Frank Warren’s idea. I think there are so many Biblical concepts behind what Frank started – the art of confession and repentance, healing, forgiveness, freedom, etc.

Frank’s project has become a worldwide phenomenon – both for parties who reveal their secrets and for parties who read the secrets. There is something freeing about telling secrets and there is something freeing about identifying with someone else’s secret. None of us want to be alone in our pain, which is why God created us for community.

I’ve heard several students’ stories about tough stuff they are carrying, and I wanted to have an avenue where they could express their stories in a safe space. The sharing of secrets doesn’t end with getting it off your chest. Rather, it ends by bringing it to Jesus since he paid the price of our sin on the cross. When we know Jesus and accept His grace, we can be freed from the burden of our sins and pains.

Unfortunately, many students have expressed their fear of being judged on our campus, as though they are crying out “if you really knew me, would you still love me?”

I kicked off the Campus Secret campaign when I spoke in chapel on February 6^th. The following week we had a dropbox in the bookstore where students could anonymously drop off their secrets. We received 121 postcards – some written on playing cards, hotel keys and coasters. Others were real postcards, magazine pictures, or mini canvases of their own.

I have been impressed with the response from our campus and my expectations have far been exceeded. Small groups have gone through the display, residence halls, passersby, staff and faculty, too. I think the project is bringing important awareness to our campus about the burdens and ‘stuff’ that many of us are carrying with us. It’s encouraging people to be honest and vulnerable and to experience freedom and wholeness as they bring their secrets into the Light.

I, myself, have been through the display 5 or 6 times. Sometimes I reread the cards. Sometimes I read the responses from our campus community. Other times, I observe others as they pass through the exhibit. There is something sacred about the display – it’s probably the most real I’ve seen our campus be. It’s impossible to finish the exhibit and not be touched and/or burdened.

I’m hoping this will teach our campus how to love each other and lift each other up in prayer, rather than passing judgment based on preconceived stereotypes.

I think this exhibit shows that our campus is ready to be healed.

To be freed.

To be known.

To be loved.

To be accepted.

I scream for icecream!

2009-02-04T21:28:00.000-08:00

I just finished my RA staff meeting
and I was tired before it even began.

I also just finished some icecream...
straight from the tub. Mmmm.

Don't worry, I didn't eat the tub itself.

Coffee Inspiration

2009-01-30T16:40:00.000-08:00

Coffee shops inspire me.
They inspire me to write, to watch, to wish, to wait.

I don't think it has anything to do with caffeine, but rather the ability to escape campus not be known. I'm not sure I've ever visited a coffee shop (Starbucks doesn't count) for the sole purpose of buying coffee.

I prefer to linger.
To camp out.
To think, study, write, spread out.

I sit, with my feet propped up on the chair across from me, people-watching. An old man with an oxygen tank plays dominoes with a singing young man with a deep voice and a petite girl dressed in striped tights, boots, and hippie layers. Piercings adorn many of the patrons. The same colored pencil lady from Hippies & Rainbows sits at the other window. This is where I sat last March and it's good to be back.

This is the coffee shop where I spent 4 hours convincing a student that she was loveable.
This is where I sat with my pastor who affirmed me in the pursuit of my future dreams.

Today, my small window-side table is cluttered with a peanut butter cookie, my journal, two versions of the Bible, two books, notes for chapel, a pen, my cellphone, and my headphones. It's here that I can reflect and be still.

Here, rather than at home, I don't feel like I'm at work. It's my Sabbath day, after all, and I live at work.

Today

2009-01-29T23:12:00.000-08:00

Today
It was hard to get out of bed.
It was a record snooze button morning
So I got a tall nonfat white chocolate mocha
(For the 3rd day in a row)

Monday night basketball IM
Tuesday night Sophomore dessert social
Wednesday night RA staff meeting
Thursday night worship practice

The office was especially quiet as the clock struck 5pm
The work day done
Lights turned off
The outside doors were even locked at 10 till

In an hour of quiet
as I rested in my Mary Chair
I wondered for a moment
what it would be like to rest forever
and not run out the door for "just one more thing"

And now,
looking back,
on that brief moment,
I think of how unsatisfied I would be

And so I learn to rest
in the fullness of today
and the promise that tomorrow
will be full, too.

My Bucket List

2009-01-28T21:49:00.000-08:00

My "someday" list:

Display my art in a coffee shop
Go to Seminary
Live in community (on campus doesn't count)
Live in a 3rd world country with my family for 1 year
Go fishing
Learn how to snowboard
Sing and play the piano during worship
Write a song
Record a song
Have my writing published in a magazine or book
Be a 'regular' at a coffee shop so the barista knows my name
Bet up close and personal with Mother Teresa's ministry in India
Visit my Bolivian family
Work at a Christian Camp (again)
Play the guitar

To name a few.

Goodbye Nine

2009-01-28T21:31:00.000-08:00

It's days like today when the effects of the economy hit close to home.
Nine employees got laid off this afternoon.
Our campus is grieving. Mouths hang open as the word spreads.

I keep thinking about families whose daddy is no longer providing for them. Lord, provide for them.
I keep thinking about the administration who had to have those hard conversations. Lord, give them rest tonight.

The Oregon employment rate is at 9%.
People my parent's age are flipping burgers.
Teenagers, twenty-somethings, college graduates, and near-retirees are competing for the same jobs and it's scary! Lord, thank you for this job.

One former employee graciously responded "I guess this is God kicking my butt to finally pursue what He's really calling me to."

With every "no" is a greater "yes".
Trust.

No TV & No Plans

2009-01-23T19:06:00.000-08:00

For the past 7 months, I've been borrowing a TV.
For the first 10 months I was here, I didn't have a TV, and now I am without one again.

Although the only show I was consistently watching was "The Office," I am realizing that I had the tv on a lot more that just for that show.

How can I tell?
Because it's quiet tonight.
I'm home alone with zero plans and all I hear are the clicking of my keys and the obnoxious steam heater.

The TV was a wonderful distraction and "filler" for when I was too tired to read, too silent to make a phone call, or too introverted to seek out company.

I have absolutely no intention of purchasing a TV of my own.

Maybe this means I'll be reading more.
Tonight, I started "The Heavenly Man" - a true story about a remarkable man's life as a Christian in China.

This is one of the first Friday nights I've been devoid of plans. To be honest, I wasn't looking forward to it. I wish I could say I've been pleasantly surprised and loving it.

But, I'm not.

The chapel challenge

2009-01-20T23:12:00.000-08:00

Students at NCU have mixed opinions about chapel.
I've heard varied opinions and most certainly have my own, which is why I'm feeling some pressure about what my chapel topic should be on February 6th.

I want it to be applicable -
It would be easier if everyone was passionate about social justice, sex traffiking, poverty awareness, etc.. It would be easier if they actually wanted to be in chapel. It would easier if they didn't text and whisper during the message.
Heck, it would be easier if they all loved Jesus!

When asked about what I should preach about, one of my RAs responded "I want you to think about what the guys on my hall would pay attention to. Speak to them."

Unfortunately for me, many of these guys fit the description above. A tough crowd for sure.

So, I accept the challenge.
I have my work cut out for me.
I need ideas!

Number 44

2009-01-20T22:37:00.000-08:00

Mr. Obama is no longer the president-elect, but THE president.

I watched part of the historical inauguration this morning and still have the news on as the Obamas party it up at 10 fancy balls. (Not to mention the press's buzz about the First Lady's wardrobe.)

I wonder if their cheeks will hurt in the morning from smiling so much.
And if their arms will be tired from waving.
And their ears deafened by shrills and applause.

People are recognizing President Obama as the most powerful man in the world. I was really moved by the live coverage that spread all the way to Kenya, where a group of Africans were huddled around a tv in the dark.

Throughout the presidential campaign, I signed several "One" petitions to encourage the candidates to include a platform about foreign aid and address issues of global poverty.

I was touched by the president's remarks:
To the people of poor nations, we pledge to work alongside you to make your farms flourish and let clean waters flow; to nourish starved bodies and feed hungry minds. And to those nations like ours that enjoy relative plenty, we say we can no longer afford indifference to suffering outside our borders; nor can we consume the world's resources without regard to effect. For the world has changed, and we must change with it.

God -
May you guide our country's leader with wisdom and discernment.
Give him favor around the world.
Let justice and mercy reign.
May President Obama know You as his leader.

Sweet Lu*

2009-01-11T21:59:00.001-08:00

I picked up something in Mexico - not from the food or the water (gloria a Dios!).
My voice is quite froggy and apparently quite comical, according to the few I've ventured out to see today. I'm coughing up some nasty stuff and I've been in bed most of the day.

I think I got sick from little Lu*, a 6-year old girl who clung to my side during my 2 visits to the orphanage. Now that I think about it, one of her tiny nostrils did seem to be clogged with dried "mocos." :)
I think I was in mid-conversation with someone when she grabbed my hand the first time. She pulled me outside and then lifted her arms to the sky so I'd pick her up. She was tiny for her age, yet quite heavy for me to carry.

She kept asking me if I was leaving and wanted to know when I'd be back. It was easier to leave the first day because I knew I'd see her again in a couple days.

Upon my second arrival to the Orphanage, I asked a couple of girls "Saben donde esta Lu*?"
They responded: "Ella esta jugando con Barbies en su cuarto."
Of course. She's playing Barbies in her room.

Sure enough, she was sitting on top of her bed with a container full of Barbies. She had been crying and seemed a little hesitant to open up. Not long after, she clung to my side again. I bounced her on my knee, she flipped upsidedown, I carried her all over the grounds, she got her face-painted, etc.

She sang a sweet song to me with lyrics that kept repeating "te quiero" over and over again, which is Spanish for "I love you." I'd sneak her a grin and she'd wrap her arms around my neck and give me a big kiss on my cheek.

I pulled her close and kissed her back.
She held my face in her little hands and rubbed her nose against mine. She giggled and snuggled closer.

Before I left, I asked her if she knew Jesus.
With confidence, she replied "Yes! Jesus is in my heart!"

I miss you, sweet Lu*.

Girl Talk

2009-01-11T21:44:00.001-08:00

When I was in Mexico, I stayed up late one night with the girls on my team and we had a great girl-talk session. I got to be a big sister for girls aged 18 - 21 and it was so fulfilling.

"Girl Talk" is something I haven't had much of lately, and I long for it. I'm feeling a little sentimental tonight, especially after talking to a good friend on the phone and reading up on some blogs.

Not the 7th grade type of girl talk where we play Truth or Dare, raid the candy section of Fred Meyer, watch Sixteen Candles & Beaches, stay up as late as possible, prank whoever falls asleep first, play "Telephone" and talk about boys...

I'm talking about girl talk with my closest college friends.
Something that could last for a few days.
A retreat.

We could still eat junk food and stay up late.
Chick Flicks would still be a must.
And... we'd probably still talk about boys.

But we'd also go deeper.
We'd talk theology.
We'd talk church.
We'd talk evangelism.
We'd talk social justice & poverty.
We'd talk simplicity.
We'd talk love.

I really enjoy living in Eugene. I just wish there wasn't a 2 hour gap between my girlfriends.
But then again, 1 is in St. Louis, 1 is in Louisiana and 1 is in Australia.

...and it makes me sad.

Family Christmas

2008-12-26T20:10:00.000-08:00

Summary of my family Christmas in Grants Pass:

Christmas tree for backdrop: $25
Gifts from "Santa" (aka Chrislyn and I): $3 each

Wearing the gifts for our family photo: Priceless.

The Doghouse

2008-12-16T13:33:00.000-08:00

This video was forwarded on to me and I simply can't resist posting it: Beware of the the Doghouse

My dad has watched it at least 8 times and he still laughs. :)

Enjoy... and stay out of the doghouse!

The Latte Boy

2008-12-09T20:03:00.000-08:00

I discovered this gem of a video when I was in Louisiana with Nicole.
She emailed it to me the other day and it makes me smile each time.

Taylor the Latte Boy

In the Present

2008-12-08T13:26:00.000-08:00

I remember feeling confident.
I was exactly where God wanted me to be.
I was sure of it.
I was sure because I was full.
I was broken.
I was aching.
I was filled with hope.
I was seeking.
I was growing.
I felt so in tune with God's heart for His children.
I was experiencing the Father-love of God, first-hand.

I wasn't sitting in church services wondering when the Word would speak to me again.
I wasn't playing the role of a messenger, turning messages from the pulpit into "things that are good for you to hear."
What I studied and learned and wrestled with wasn't for anyone else but for me.
It spoke to me.
Personally.
Intimately.

Everyday for 4 months.
No questions asked. In regards to "what's next?" that is.
It's not like I knew. Or had any inklings. And it was okay.
I remember lingering in those moments.
Drinking up the moments.
Satisfied with where I was.
Savoring life.
Caught off guard by how peaceful I was.
As painful and devastating as it was.

So why can't I be in that place again?
Resting.
Resting in absolute assurance.
Confident.
Confident of the present.
Okay.
Completely okay with the unknown future.

Could Bolivia spill over into a lifetime?
Or at least into now?
Right now.

I know.
God isn't a God of confusion.
God's will isn't mysterious.
Psalm 37:4
Trust.
Be.
Ask.
Seek.
He has my best interests in mind.
I know.

These are the Truths
I keep passing on.

YES

2008-12-07T21:40:00.000-08:00

It's finals week on campus and sleepless nights, movie-watching, and delirium is in full swing.

Yesterday, I watched part of "Grease" in the Rug Room, which was the 5th movie in a row that some students were watching while "studying."

I am tempted to question their study habits. But alas, I am not their mother.

The days have been very F-U-L-L.

I've made selections for the Chile and Nigeria May mission teams and have held our first meeting. (I'm leading the Chile trip!)
I'm trying to solve roommate conflicts and room change shuffles.
I've worked a few days until 11:30 pm.
I coordinated a Gingerbread House building competition between the halls and spent $100 on frosting and candy. Now I owe the winning hall some homemade goodies.
I attended the GFU vs NCU basketball game at Fox and the familiar ache returned to me as I drove away.
I had a very confusing meeting with my boss that has left me feeling emotional, conflicted, and confused. A giant "?" is all I see in my future.
I'm getting ready to go to Mexico for 10 days with 7 students. (Jan. 2-10)
I've cried... in a meeting, in chapel, on the bathroom floor. Mostly because I want to badly to say "YES" just like Mary did when the angel approached her about conceiving the Savior of the world. I just don't know exactly what that "yes" entails quite yet.
I waitressed at the Late Night Breakfast and got to wear reindeer antlers and a green striped apron with a cupcake on it.
I wore an ugly Christmas sweater and black stirrup leggings with red snowflakes on them.
I didn't get a Christmas tree this year and my apartment is devoid of any festive cheer. :(
I haven't done any Christmas shopping.
My best friend got married.
I'm wondering if it's really vacation if I still have to be on-call. *sigh*

I'm not burnt out, so why am I tired?

Will you meet me here and put your arm around me? I want to rest more than my head on your chest; I want to rest my mind.

Why are you still awake????

2008-11-15T04:11:00.000-08:00

The time at the tone is: 4:12am.
Half an hour ago, I was awaken by spurts of laughter and pounding.
I thought it was tipsy people at the bar across the street, but the more I listened, I realized it was coming from down the hall. Worst case scenarios went through my mind - maybe some of our own students were returning to the dorm drunk...

Not the case, thankfully.

With itchy eyes, bed-hair, my glasses, and GFU sweats, I stumbled into the hallway.

Five students were watching some fancy skater tricks on tv at a loud level.
Five other students were seated on the floor in the hallway, rolling on the ground with laughter. ROFLOL literally.

They saw me and immediately pointed fingers.
"Wow, I'm impressed that you just walked out here with a smile on your face."
"It's not like she's angry with us, she'll just tell us to be quiet."

I didn't have to say much, except that it was 3:40AM and it was much too early/late for me to be awake. The apologized (not as profusely as I would have hoped, considering that I'm still awake).

On my way back to my apartment, I paused to turn the tv down.
"Oh, poor Elizabeth" I heard.

On the positive side, the students were not intoxicated and they were clearly enjoying each other.

But really. Why are you still awake???

*sigh.* Freshmen.

What is even more astounding? IIII am still awake!!! Good grief.

my music dream

2008-11-15T00:22:00.000-08:00

Tonight, two college students shared their incredible talents at a coffee house concert.

I tapped my feet, mesmerized by their music abilities.

Even with only one person on vocals, I could hear the notes come together in my head. I find myself doing this a lot, looking around to see who else is singing, only to discover that no one else is - and yet I hear harmonies so clearly.

I imagined myself in their shoes someday, wearing a layered outfit with a woven Cambodian scarf and a hippy-Bolivian necklace, singing and playing with card-playing and coffee-drinking in the foreground.

Sharing songs from my heart with a confidence I didn't know I had.
Rocking out on the guitar that I don't know how to play.
Singing the stories I've felt compelled to share - the melodies filled with God's heart and my soul.

A varying form of advocacy.
This is my music dream.

Attracted to the ugly

2008-11-10T23:48:00.000-08:00

I had one of those divine appointments this morning.
I hadn't even made set foot into my office when I was asked to talk.

I let out a sigh and said I could meet her right then and there. I felt somewhat annoyed, aggravated that my hands were still full and already skeptical of this Monday morning.

She took a seat on the blue sofa and I closed the door to the conference room. This woman is a non-traditional student in her late thirties, a mom and wife.

What could she possibly want to talk to me about? I mused.

She said "Elizabeth, people think I'm crazy when I tell them this, but I'm attracted to the ugly."
Pain beckons her in. Suffering reaches out to her. She wants to step in.

Ahhhh, my heart softened.

"Elizabeth," she said, "the puzzle pieces of my life fit together during chapel on Friday. When John Childers shared about the "Voice for the Voiceless" I was so moved. God is calling me to respond."

I leaned forward, recognizing the divinity of this conversation, and prompted her to continue.

"What do I do with this, now?" she asked.

A grin slowly spread across my face.

Imagine the excitement in my voice: "I have books! And magazines! And websites!"
I told her about my list of alternative gift ideas, authors like Henri Nouwen and Jean Vanier, publications like "The Cry" through Word Made Flesh.

I understand her antsy feeling.
I understand how to find beauty in suffering and brokenness.

I know what it means to find ugliness attractive.

She's not crazy.

Gift Alternatives

2008-11-05T22:02:00.000-08:00

I'm in the market to inspire people to think about gift-giving a little differently this season. I've already gotten a couple RAs on board. I simply love it when they say, "can you email me those ideas?" I got on my soapbox tonight and shared the following sites with them; I think the light bulb clicked on for them and I'm thrilled. ;)

Christmas Cards made by at-risk children in Romania at an art-therapy program at the Community Center. All proceeds benefit the children at the center. (courtesy of Word Made Flesh)

Gifts of Hope: Family Disaster Survival Kits, Emergency Medical Care, Child Survival Kits, Clinic Packs, Dental Visit, Mother & Child Survival, HIV & AIDS Relief, Gifts of Life, Emergency Care, Orphan Hope Gift (Courtesy of Medical Teams International)

Freeset Bags: Supports women who have escaped the sex-slave industry. "In business for freedom." Courtesy of Freeset & Better Way Imports

PhotogenX Calendars & Postcards: Susi Childers compiled beautiful photographs from around the world. "The vision of photogenX is to use photography as a tool for cultrual transformation so that issues such as gender based injustice will be issues of history instead of the future. photogenX advocates for those who cannot speak for themselves and challenges the current global status quo. In addition, photogenX seeks to capture the people and places of every nation in the world showing off their beauty but not masking their pain." (Her father, John Childers, spoke in chapel at NCU. He gave me a copy of "A Voice for the Voiceless: 30 Days of Prayer for the Voiceless. Addressing global issues of gender-based injustice)

Heifer International: Ending hunger, Caring for the earth. Choose a meaningful gift to a loved one and help children and families around the world receive training and animal gifts that help them become self-reliant.

Cards from Africa: Handmade cards from Rwanda - improving the quality of life for orphaned kids. Calendars & bookmarks, too! (Thanks, Amy!)

Stuff a Stocking Project: An outreach of Soar International Ministries which provides Christmas stockings to needy children in Russia. (Thanks, Beth!)

Maybe something will click for you, too.

May you be blessed by giving.
Happy Shopping!

If you come across more alternative Christmas gifts, please comment on this page with the corresponding link.

Awe

2008-10-31T23:15:00.000-07:00

I wept in chapel today.
Full on wept.

It's been a while since I've cried during worship. Sometimes I cry if I'm upset about something, but it's really been a while since I've wept simply because I'm moved to tears.

So in awe of God.

"Arms high and heart abandoned"
"We're singing for the glory of the risen King"

So mindful of the praise He deserves.
Overcome with emotion by the beautiful sound of student's voices.
I choked back tears and had to stop singing.
I listened.
Warm tears dripped down my cheeks and neck.
Rather than wipe them away, I let them fall.
There was something so freeing about feeling their wetness on my face.

One of my RAs stood next to me and she put her arm on my back. I hugged her close.
And just stood there.
Worshiping.

"My God is mighty to save. He is mighty to save."
"My Lord has conquered the grave."

Boo!

2008-10-31T22:11:00.000-07:00

It's 10:19pm on Halloween night, and it's surprisingly quiet.

We hired an extra security guard to be on patrol tonight, and I'm the Administrator On-Call. At our last RA meeting, I used a few minutes to give some refreshers on how to care for people who are intoxicated... just in case.

"If someone tells you about some loud commotion in the Rug Room, how will you respond? What are the visible signs of intoxication? What if someone stumbles past you upstairs, and you're pretty sure they're drunk? How do you care for someone who is throwing up or passed out?"

Regardless of being prepared, I hope it's a quiet night.

We're preparing for the worst and expecting the best. Oh, Lord, please protect my students tonight. Help them to make good decisions.

I spent an hour at the on-campus Halloween Dance Party and was impressed by the costumes.

4 guys dressed like old ladies. I took a picture with one of them and he pinched my cheek.
Alvin and the chipmunks
Whoopee Cushions (yes, that's plural - there were 2 of them!)
Poisen Ivy and Batman
Peter Pan and Tinkerbell
Pippy Longstocking
Killer Panda

I, not expecting to be around tonight, didn't prepare much for an outfit, so I dressed up like a hick and took the easy way out.

Oh, Halloween. It's really just another day...